


Aftermath: Jake's Story

by Anifan1



Series: Alliance [5]
Category: Animorphs (TV), Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Controllers, Did I mention hugs?, Family, Fluff, Gen, Healing, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Involuntary Controllers, Involuntary infestation, Love (Familial), More Hugs, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Siblings, Voluntary Controllers, Voluntary infestation, Yeerks, hosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22518097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anifan1/pseuds/Anifan1
Summary: Having told Tom that he was infested by Temrash 114, Jake deals with the consequences.
Series: Alliance [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1009743
Comments: 12
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

My name is Jake. I can't tell you my last name or where I live, because of the Yeerks. With the exception of a few of them, they're pretty much set on taking over our planet. Not by killing us. They want to make us their slaves. Crawl inside our ears, into our brains. Take over our bodies. Our minds. Once they've done that, you don't know who is a Controller (someone being controlled by a Yeerk) or who's a normal person.

I'd been infested before. Once. It had been for three days, maybe six months after we'd begun to fight the Yeerks. During a battle at this new hospital clinic, where Yeerks planned to infest patients against their will, we were boiling up the pool with the Yeerks inside, and we must have been loud enough to attract the attention of Controllers. Maybe, when the water became boiling, some signal got released, alerting the other Controllers. Whatever it was, it sent Controllers in, dracon beams in hand. During the fight, I was shot at a couple of times. I ended up falling into the Yeerk pool.

One of the dying Yeerks reached my ear. Crawled inside. Invaded my brain, took over my body.

That Yeerk had been Temrash 114. Tom's first Yeerk.

He'd been assigned to the governor, who'd been scheduled to go to the clinic for minor surgery. The most important host body on the planet. The beginning of their intended ascent into politics.

That would have been bad, but Temrash going to Visser Three as me would have been far worse. Because, as the morph capable leader of the only known resistance movement on Earth, Visser Three and Temrash would have destroyed us. Infested my friends, probably, or killed them. Until the Andalites returned, there'd be no more hope.

Fortunately, my friends figured out that I'd been infested. They starved Temrash out of my head. Our secret remained safe.

A year later, to pretty much everyone's horror, Cassie befriended a civilian Yeerk, Aftran 942. She convinced Aftran to free her child host and fight for peace. It ended up okay, even back then. Turns out, there were Yeerks who opposed using humans-and other aliens- like meat, and Aftran was going to join them.

Months later, Cassie got word that she'd been kidnapped by Visser Three. Found out. Saved her.

Since Aftran was now on our side, we figured if we could replace Tom's Yeerk with her, we'd be killing two birds with one stone. If-of course-Tom agreed.

It ended up being one of the best decisions we could have made. Because Tom, mentally, sustained a lot of damage from his two previous Yeerks. Even if he went to live with the free Hork-Bajir, I wasn't sure he would get much better. For us, for him, Aftran was the best option. Of course, it was his choice to make. Looking at him now, seeing him improve with Aftran there, I knew it was the right one. I could see that, when we were in private, he didn't look so haunted. Also, his motions had been sort of stiff at first, like he was having trouble with balance-or thought that he would. Now, he didn't seem to think about it. We joked around with each other, too. Like I said, he looked a lot better than that first night, and I knew that even though time had played a role, so did Aftran.

I might not have trusted her when Cassie met her, but I could see that she was on our side, now.

At any rate, he clearly liked her being there, and she wasn't hurting him, so that was good enough for me.

Honestly, a year ago, it was more than I could have hoped for, as long as Tom remained infested.

Now, he wasn't so much a slave as part of a Yeerk symbiotic partnership. At least, that's what some of them called themselves. He liked Aftran's companionship, I guessed.

We'd needed to leave Aftran with Cassie during the four days we were at Grandpa G's funeral. I could tell that this had been rough on Tom. He hadn't complained about it, even though I would have understood. Well, tried to understand. He mostly managed to get through it without acting too out of character, but I'd kept a close eye on him, and there were times when he'd stare off into space for periods of time, or he'd be slow to respond if someone asked him a question. Like he had been unsure of what to say or do, and wanted Aftran to either take control or tell him what to say. To be honest, though, I think I was the only one who noticed. We had been at a funeral, after all. Grief made people act in strange ways. If Mom or Dad noticed that anything was off, they didn't say anything to him, or to me. In the end, we'd made it through the weekend, and Tom was more than happy to have Aftran back in his head.

Thing was, over the weekend, I'd been dealing with another issue. Even though Tom had been infested/partnered with Aftran for over two months at this point, I hadn't exactly managed to work it into the conversation that I'd been a Controller for three days.

It felt like a lie to keep this information from him. At the same time, was there ever a good time to tell your big brother this? That not only had you been infested, but it had been with his first Yeerk?

I ended up asking Aftran for help. Well, kind of. After we'd collected her from Cassie, I could tell that Tom had been exhausted, and when I spoke, after he'd started the car, I'd guessed right away that I was talking to Aftran.

I'd hated the idea of talking to Aftran behind Tom's back, so to speak, but I hadn't thought I'd get another opportunity to talk to just her. Certainly, not any time soon, and my question was kind of pressing.

Especially since she knew what I was going to tell Tom, from Cassie, and I was sure that she hadn't told him.

"Hey...Aftran?"

"Yes, Jake?"

Her voice sounded like Tom's, even now. Still. The inflection was a little different. I watched as she took her eyes off the road, just for a second, to watch me.

I hesitated, just for a minute. "Is he okay?"

"He's fine," Aftran answered, with a smile.

"And, Cassie's okay, too?" I confirmed. Even though I still didn't get the whole sharing a Yeerk agreement she and Tom had, I wasn't about to argue about it. Especially since it meant that Aftran actually had a willing host for the four days we'd been away. Better than swimming around aimlessly.

"Yes," Aftran reassured me. "She's fine. She's very strong, Jake."

I managed a smile. Then, figuring I might not get another chance to talk to her about it, I plunged on ahead.

"I-I want to talk to him about something. Not now. You already know, though." I suddenly had to look away. I didn't want either of them to see my face.

"I do?" she asked, clearly confused.

She didn't know, but she might have been able to guess. Sighing, a little, I explained.

"About what happened to Temrash."

I turned back to her. She was nodding, taking my hand. I didn't stop her-didn't want to.

"If I can make a suggestion..." she offered, after a minute.

"Sure. Go ahead," I told her, nodding.

"Wait a few days."

I wasn't surprised to hear this, really. I hadn't wanted to tell Tom tonight, at any rate. Still. I wanted clarification.

"How long?" I pressed.

"That's up to you, Jake. Tomorrow, perhaps?" Aftran suggested. "Or the day after. Not Friday. I assume you want me there?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "I do."

She'd provide Tom with the support I was sure he'd need, upon hearing this.

Then, she spoke up again. "I could tell him, Jake. If you'd prefer."

While tempting, I knew I'd come off like a coward. If only to myself.

"No," I insisted. "Thanks, Aftran, really. But, no."

"All right," she answered.

That had been the end of the conversation. She hadn't told me much, but then again, I hadn't exactly asked for much in the way of advice. Just to wait a day or two. Of course, that made the next day seem unending. By the time school ended, I figured I couldn't wait much longer before going crazy.

Tom didn't react, at first. I wasn't sure if he was having trouble processing what I had just told him, or if he was trying to restrain himself from...or, if Aftran had needed to take over, and was talking him down. I just sat there, studying my other brother. He took a couple of deep breaths, then pulled me into a hug.

That was good. I'd needed that. I hugged him back. But then, he was squeezing me way too tightly, and even though I understood why, and wanted to let him hold me, I also needed air. Badly. I tried to move out of his grip, just enough to get him to loosen his hold around me.

Immediately, he let go.

"I'm sorry!" he blurted out, looking pained.

As for me? I felt awful. Like I was rejecting Tom's attempt to help me. When, really, I probably had never needed him more.

"Hey, no problem...it was just-I was having trouble breathing."

It would have been a half decent joke, except for the fact that it had been true.

I studied the couch cushion I was sitting on. Waited for Tom to say...something.

"Yeah," he acknowledged. Then, he added, "I'm sorry, Jake."

I just kind of shrugged, then moved myself a little closer to Tom. He sort of smiled at me, then, tentatively, wrapped an arm around my back. It was almost as good as a hug, and didn't have the danger of getting too tight to breathe. Relieved, and maybe a little tired, I sort of curled up against Tom.

"Guess this is better?" he teased me.

"Yeah," I assured Tom, managing a smile.

We just sat there for a little. A huge weight felt like it had been removed from me. Almost as big as freeing Tom had been. It was okay, now. We didn't have any more secrets. I'd never thought keeping this from my older brother would have been so hard, especially after living the last two years knowing that a parasitic alien was inside his head, and I had to live a lie, pretending everything was normal. It was okay, now. Well, things would be okay.

Tom was the first to speak. I would have been content staying on the couch for awhile longer, just being next to him.

I mean, we didn't have to talk about it. I wanted Tom to know, but if he couldn't talk about it yet, if he needed to process it with Aftran there, I could hardly blame him. What I'd told him-it had to be a major bombshell. Besides, I didn't want to force him to talk about it. Not before Tom was ready. If he'd ever be ready. As the silence dragged on, I'd done a pretty good job of convincing myself that this was fine. We wouldn't talk right now.

It was a lie. I was really relieved-but a little scared-when Tom spoke up.

"Jake, do you-want to talk about it? It's okay-either way."

His voice was a lot more gentle than normal. Not that Tom spoke harshly towards me, or anything. Before the Yeerks, we'd been way closer than most brothers. But now? Now, it felt almost like I was a little kid again, and had just woken up from this horrible nightmare, and my big brother was telling me that I could tell him about the dream, if I wanted to, but he understood if it was too scary to relive.

It felt like that. A little. Mostly, like I was the little brother, a kid, and he was the big brother protector.

It wasn't. Not entirely. But...it felt like it. Like Tom could make everything better, just by being there. By listening.

I hesitated. I wanted to talk, to tell Tom everything. At the same time, even with Aftran there, would it give him flashbacks? Nightmares? His second Yeerk had been worse than his first-I knew that much-but firsthand experience with Temrash had been awful. And I'd only had him for three days.

"Y-yeah," I managed, nodding. "If..."

I left the rest unsaid.

"If?" Tom prodded.

"If it won't hurt you to hear about it," I spelled out. "I mean, you know, flashbacks, and stuff."

That weight that had been lifted from me? It was back.

Tom just stared at me for a few seconds, and, suddenly, I couldn't help it. I knew that if I spoke again, I wouldn't be able to stop the tears. I swallowed, hard. Maybe, he sensed this, because he gave my shoulder a light squeeze.

"Midget." Tom spoke gently again, but I could also hear the certainty in his voice. "I can handle whatever you want to tell me. Besides, I have help. Which is why you waited, if I recall correctly."

He pointed to his head then, and I managed to smile. I realized that his other one was still wrapped around my back, and I was suddenly afraid that he would let go. I leaned against him, reassured by Tom's solid presence.

I began to tell him everything.

"So we were at the clinic, during the battle with the Controllers-I fell into the pool," I started, since he already knew about the clinic. "I think I was only half conscious. I don't remember him crawling into my ear, but there was definitely a pain in my head. For awhile, I think, I could still move. Still talk. But I heard his voice in my head, and it took me awhile to figure it out. Too long. He'd taken control by the time I'd known what had happened. Actually." Here, I turned to watch Tom, and couldn't avoid flinching when I admitted, "He told me what had happened."

"Jake, you couldn't have known," Tom murmured.

I sort of nodded, studying him as I spoke. Not wanting to hurt him. "I mean, Tom, it happened so quickly," I tried to explain, as though he'd blamed me for not realizing sooner.

I'd done that, more than once. Everything had more or less worked out, but what if it hadn't? I should have known better. I could have yelled out a warning before the slug had finishing seizing control. "Before I knew it, I couldn't do anything. Not move, not even blink. And his voice..." I stopped, just for a second. Then, rushed on. "He told me that he'd been your Yeerk. At first, I thought that meant you were free. But, then, he told me that you had been reassigned to another Yeerk."

Tom kind of sighed, then squeezed my shoulders again.

"So, um, how'd your friends figure it out?" he prodded, but gently.

"It was Ax," I explained, looking up at Tom, even managing to smile at the memory. "Somehow, he knew. And Temrash's reaction when he saw him-it was total hate. So, the others decided to keep me tied up until the Yeerk starved."

"That can't have been easy, since you could morph," Tom considered. "Not like when you rescued me, Midget."

I laughed, a little, at that. "Well, yeah. He morphed several times, but they always managed to stop him."

"What about Erek, or the other Chee? Did they try that, to lure him out?" Tom wondered.

I just shook his head. "That was a few months before we knew about the Chee. So, it was either escape or die, and they couldn't let Temrash escape."

Would Tom blame me for this? Call me a murderer? Yeerks were sentient, after all. Still. Temrash escaping would have meant the end of hope for everyone.

Tom looked...concerned. "Did he leave your head before he starved to death?"

"No." I shrugged again. "It's weird. I don't know why he didn't leave when he knew he was going to die. Maybe, he didn't have the strength to leave my head. Maybe, he thought that I'd suffer with him, and he wanted me to." Realizing what I'd just said, I quickly amended, "I didn't. Suffer, I mean. I was aware of his pain, but it was more like watching something on TV, or seeing someone dying of thirst, but you didn't know them, and you were too far away to help. The fugue didn't really affect me."

"Good." Tom's features seemed to relax.

I waited for him to say something else. To ask me questions. I didn't want to-I didn't want to make myself relive something that he hadn't thought to wonder about. To hurt him more.

The next question came fairly quickly. Like Tom had been thinking about this ever since I'd told him I'd been infested by Temrash.

"Jake, did he hurt you much?"

I wanted to say yes. That it had been three days of mental torture. While it had felt like that at the time, looking back, Temrash had been cruel, but he'd been fairly...controlled. Sure, he'd been a total jerk to me, but I was pretty sure, based on the memory he'd shown me of Tom, that the treatment he'd given me was probably gentle next to how he'd treated Tom.

Still, I wanted my answer to be honest. "Not a ton, at first. He gloated, mostly. Fantasied a lot about bringing my friends back to Visser Three, and how he'd be promoted."

Tom made a snorting sound. "Typical empire slug."

I had to look away from Tom when I told him the next part. "But, when I mocked him for that, he played one of my old fantasies. From before the war began."

"I'm sorry."

I looked up at Tom again. He seemed to understand.

"You don't have to tell me," he reassured me. "If you don't want to."

"No," I decided. "Like I said, it was stupid. I-I was older, and won a basketball game on a professional level. You and everyone else there congratulated me."

I kind of mumbled the last part. Hoped Tom wouldn't laugh. Or look at me with pity. Or, worse, point out that a Yeerk could do a lot worse to your mind than just that.

He didn't do any of that. "That's nothing compared to the honors you'll receive once you defeat the empire, Jake."

I had to roll my eyes at him. "Right."

"So, um, when'd he tell you that I was his host before you?" Tom urged, gently.

I sort of sighed. "Actually, that was pretty much the first thing he told me."

Tom studied me. "And did-did Temrash talk much about me?"

It took a lot not to turn away from Tom. I could lie, sure, but what good would that do? I'd never lied to Tom before. Not the real Tom, anyway. I wasn't about to start.

"Not a lot, but yeah. He showed me a conversation that he had with me, but from your side, Tom. I saw how broken you were. You kept beginning him to stop trying to get me to join The Sharing. You promised to stop fighting if he'd leave me alone." I paused, just for a second. "He told me that it was always like that. The host tries to fight, but they eventually give up and become broken."

Tom looked conflicted. Maybe even ashamed. I felt like I had to say something. "I don't blame you, Tom. I would have, too. If it had gone on as long as it had for you. Especially if he'd gotten Cassie and Marco and Rachel and Ax captured."

"I know," he sighed. "I hate that you had to see that, Midget

I just hugged him. "You're free, now, Tom."

He grinned. "Thanks to you, Midget."

I wanted to change the subject. Well, kind of.

"When he was dying," I began, "some of his memories got transferred to me. I saw all of his hosts."

Tom sort of perked up. "Yeah?"

I nodded. "A Gedd, then, there was a Hork-Bajir, who fought him every day. And you." I stopped, just for a minute, before adding, "And I saw why you joined The Sharing, and how you got taken. How hard you fought, Tom, even as they dragged you to the Yeerk Pool."

Tom gave me a sardonic smile. An almost Marco smile. "Didn't do me much good. Anyway, at the time, I thought they were going to drown me in that pool. Couldn't imagine that one of those brain slugs was going to take over my body and my life."

I shrugged. "Well, it made me proud. Anyway, you were still fighting when we invaded the Yeerk Pool the first time. How long was that after you were infested?"

Tom chewed on his lower lip, thinking about it. "Maybe, three months?"

"It made me so proud, Tom."

He grinned at me. "It was stupid to go up against Visser Three."

I returned the smile. "Yeah, well. You saved my life, even if you didn't know it was me. We're both alive, thanks to you. And free."

"That's thanks to you, Midget," Tom retorted.

I kind of shrugged. Tentatively, I curled up against Tom, who responded by wrapping both arms around me in a sort of backwards hug. We stayed like that for a good minute before Tom spoke up again.

"Hey, Midget?"

"Yeah, Tom?" I looked up at him. I could hear the smile in his face, and sure enough, when I looked at him, he was grinning.

"By any chance, did Ax get stuck with the role of morphing you and pretending to be you while you were...you know?"

I had to smile. "Yeah. Tobias was still a nothlit, then, and neither of the others could morph me for that long, since they had their own families. So, it had to be Ax. I heard later that he didn't quite pull it off."

Tom's look at me told me that this might be the underestimation of the century. "Yeah. Still, if he was your only option, I guess you had to do it that way."

Suddenly, there was something I needed to know. Or, I needed Tom to know. "Afterwards, when I knew what had happened to you, I wanted to give you hope, even if we couldn't figure out how to free you."

"That weird sounding message? Don't give up, Tom. Don't ever give up. That was you?" He sounded incredulous.

I nodded. "I morphed, partly, into wolf. Enough to change how my voice sounded. And we kept it short enough so that, according to Ax, it wouldn't be traced," I explained. "Did it-?"

To my relief, Tom nodded. "Yeah, Jake. It helped me."

I was glad. I'd helped Tom. Even before we could free him, I'd given him some hope that, one day, he'd be himself again.

"You ever get nightmares about him?" Tom asked me. "Because I still do."

"Sometimes, yeah. But, mostly, it's the tiger morph dream. You remember? The one I had at the cabin."

Tom nodded. "I remember."

I thought for a minute. "I guess that Aftran helps when you get nightmares?"

"Oh, definitely," he confirmed, even laughing a little. "Aftran's a huge help with that. She talks to me, tells me stories, sometimes plays a good memory to calm me down afterwards. I mean, after getting my consent and all. And, Midget, there are even time when all it takes for me to calm down is to hear her voice. To know that it's not like-before. I know that my nightmares aren't going away anytime soon, but...we have a good system in place for dealing with them."

I nodded. Relieved that Aftran could help him, there, even if the idea of a Yeerk helping felt...alien. Not that I was against that. Whatever helped Tom.

"You know, Midget, you can always wake me up, if you have one and need to talk," he spoke up. "Or, if you just need to talk."

"Really?" I shifted, a little uncomfortably. "I don't want to keep you and Aftran from sleeping." Then, I hesitated. "Does she sleep?"

"Yeah, but way less than I do. Like, a couple of hours every three days. If they can't get it in their host, they get it in the Pool," Tom reassured me. He added, "And I can sleep while she's awake, if necessary, so it's not like either one of us will be sleep deprived if you wake us up in the middle of the night. So, if you have a nightmare, or just can't sleep, and you want to talk, ever, wake me up, okay?"

"Okay."

I probably wouldn't. It felt too childish. Besides, I didn't think Tom would really appreciate me waking him up in the middle of the night, especially since he was still dealing with his own trauma.

Still. I appreciated the offer.

My stomach chose that moment to growl. I was almost glad. Tom grinned at me.

"So, Midget. Ready for pizza?"

"Always." I laughed. "Let's order from that place nearby."

Despite the vague description, he knew exactly what I was talking about. "On it."

We could have driven there. It would have been faster than waiting for a delivery. But, even with the conversation about Temrash more or less resolved, I didn't think either of us wanted to go outside and face the public.

Tom gave my shoulder a final squeeze, then headed to the kitchen. I remained on the couch.

"Fifteen to twenty minutes," he reported. "I got our usual."

I grinned. "Great. I'm starving."

"Same here." Tom wrapped an arm around my shoulders again. "Want to watch TV while we wait?"

"Sure."

Tom channel surfed for a few minutes, but aside from the news, nothing much was on now, so he turned it off.

"Hey, Tom?"

"Yeah, Jake?"

"You and Aftran? Do you talk a lot?"

They must have. But I hadn't given it much thought before now.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess it depends on what's normal, especially for Peace Movement Yeerks. Or voluntary hosts." His eyes kind of darkened at that word. "I wouldn't say we talk all the time, but yeah, we probably talk a lot."

"About what?" I pressed. Then, quickly, I added, "I mean, if it's not too personal."

"It's not." His voice became extra gentle, the way it had when he had asked me about my infestation. "Besides, if anyone has the right to know about the personal stuff, it's you, Jake."

I wanted to stop him, to say that I didn't have a "right" to anything, but before I could form the words, Tom was talking again.

"Outside of the whole dealing with the aftermath of being an involuntary host, I guess it's stuff related to trying to live a regular life." Tom kind of shrugged. "We 'talk' in class when things get boring, because, you know, school is pretty boring."

I had to smile at that. "I can see why that part of having a Yeerk in your head wouldn't be too horrible."

"Definitely." Tom smiled back at me. "It's way better than just daydreaming. It's a little like-you know how you and Marco and Cassie and Rachel can only use thought speech when you're in morph?"

I nodded. "It'd come in handy if we could do it without morphing. So, you two just sort of talk about regular stuff when school's going on?"

"Pretty much. Sometimes, we talk about you guys. How you're coping with the war." He paused, maybe talking to Aftran, before telling me, "I mean, she cares about all of you, Jake."

I was sure my eyebrows nearly went off my head in surprise. Sure, Aftran and Cassie were close, and obviously, so were her and Tom. I kind of figured she tolerated the rest of us. Okay, maybe she liked me because I was Tom's kid brother. Still...

"Really?"

"Yeah. I know it may seem weird." Tom squeezed my shoulder again. "But, you know, we're all fighting this war together. You guys are on the front line, but me and Aftran and the other members of the Peace Movement, we're still in the war. We're like the secret spies, scouting out intel to sabotage the Yeerks. Same war, different methods of combat."

I just nodded, trying to process it all.

The doorbell rang, and we got up to pay for the pizza. We ate in silence for awhile and, finally, I told Tom I had homework. I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't put it off forever, and I had a ton that evening.


	2. Chapter 2

School was pretty normal the following day. Tom, I knew, had a Sharing meeting (feeding at the Yeerk Pool), so we didn't walk home together. I started in on some of my homework, and when I was about half through, decided to take a break and play some video games. I was lost in this racing game when I heard Tom's footsteps outside my room, then head inside.

"Hey, Midget? Mom says that dinner's in fifteen minutes."

I nodded. "Sharing meeting?"

"A long one." Tom pointed to his ear.

I paused the game, and quickly shut the door to my room. When I had turned back, Aftran was in Tom's hand.

"You're safe?" I asked, even though an empire Yeerk wouldn't have left Tom's head.

Tom nodded, holding Aftran carefully. "Yeah, it's her. I'll put her back in now, unless..."

"Go for it."

I sat down, and Tom put Aftran to his ear, where she immediately crawled inside. He didn't so much as wince as she disappeared into his ear. So much different from the first time, back when we'd freed him. They were friends, now.

"You want to play?" I asked, once I was pretty sure she was fully connected.

Tom nodded, sitting down next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Sure, Midget."

We only had time to play one round before dinner. I beat Tom, but it was close. His skills were definitely getting better. Probably, within another month, he'd be back to where he'd been before Temrash had taken him.

After we got up, Tom suddenly hugged me.

"Midget, I'm always here if you want to talk, okay?"

I squeezed back, hard. "Yeah. Okay."

I believed him.

The following day, after school, Tom drove both of us to Cassie's so we could let her and Aftran have a sleepover. There wouldn't be any Sharing meetings the next day (there would be something for all members the following day, though), so they had agreed that he could come back the following day in the mid afternoon. Tom had told me that this should be enough time for the two of them to have plenty of girl time together.

I kind of watched the whole Yeerk exchange more carefully than I might have before Grandpa G's funeral. Well, to be fair, I tried to avoid looking at Aftran, just at Tom and Cassie. I mean, seeing a Yeerk emerge from a host has got to be one of the grossest things out there. When they emerge, they look like grey silly putty, but ten times more disgusting.

After we said goodbye, I asked Tom if we could take a walk before heading home.

"Sure," he agreed. "How about the trail near our house?"

If he looked surprised, it didn't show on his face or in his voice.

I nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

I was glad that the trail was (mostly) empty of people this time of day. Even though, for the first few minutes, we just walked without speaking. Not that this felt awkward.

Tom broke the silence. "You okay, Midget?"

"Yeah," I answered, automatically. Then, I amended. "Well enough. You?"

He was without Aftran right now, after all. Did he feel empty? I wasn't sure if I could ask him that without feeling like I was rubbing salt in the wound.

Tom just sighed. "Same. Still more than a little freaked that that happened to you, Midget."

I managed a laugh. "I wasn't sure I was ever going to tell you. Or get to tell you."

"You can tell me anything, Jake," Tom insisted, placing his hand on my arm. "You know that, right?"

I nodded, sort of gauging his reaction. Finally, I explained, "Tom, I-I just don't want to hurt you any more than you have been."

Tom moved his arm my shoulder, stopping me from walking further. Not that I minded.

"Hey," he chided me. "Don't do that to yourself. Hide something, to protect me."

"I didn't-"

Tom raised his hands in the universal "I surrender" gesture.

I shut up.

"Sorry. That came out wrong." Tom went silent, probably planning what to say next. "I mean," he began, gently, "I have someone who can help me. An unexpected advantage to that, you know." He smiled at me. "So, yeah, it hurt, to hear how Temrash infested you and was a complete and total jerk. And look, I do not blame you for not telling me sooner, okay? I just mean, if it comes down to you keeping it hidden as a way to protect me, but it hurts you to do it, then don't. Keep it inside, I mean. Like I said, Aftran can help me...process it, I guess."

"Okay." My reply came out a little above a whisper.

Tom pulled me into a hug. "I just want to help you, Jake."

I nodded, not wanting to let go of Tom. Not right away. "I know."

A few minutes later, I knew I should let go of Tom, before he got embarrassed. We walked a little more in silence, which I felt like I had to break. To say something.

"Is it weird having her around like that? After having two who were awful?" I asked, tentatively.

Hey, Tom had been the one who had told me I could talk to him. Anyway, of all the personal questions I could ask Tom, I didn't think this would rank the top ten.

Besides, I was curious. I'd known that Tom had adjusted to Aftran, that he saw her as a friend. Still, I wondered if he ever had this moment of "what the heck happened to my life?" when he was with her.

After all, he'd been fighting against the Yeerks way longer than I had. Just, in his mind. Losing.

"At first," Tom confessed, almost laughing. "Of course, in case you don't remember, Midget, you were the one who kind of convinced me to trust her." He gave me a little nudge him in the ribs, and I had to smile at this. "So, that kind of set the ball rolling. Besides, we had boundaries set, and a trial period, so it wasn't like, take me and we totally trust you not to hurt me. It was-controlled." Tom made a face. "Weird word to use, but correct, I guess?"

"You seemed to get better almost immediately," I remembered. "Not overnight, Tom, but I could see you becoming more how I remembered you each time she left you. But, sometimes? It-it was hard to know, when she was there, when it was really you."

"A lot of the time, it wasn't," Tom admitted. "Oh, I had full control in private and and when it was just us, but there were times when I would have broken down in front of Mom and Dad if she hadn't been there. I didn't like it, feeling so helpless, but..." He shrugged. "I guess, it was sort of motivation. To trust her to help me."

I stopped walking again. "She's never hurt you, or kept control for longer than she needed to?"

Tom just looked me in the eye, placing both hands on my shoulders. "Never. Not once."

It was my turn to give Tom a big hug. "Okay," I managed. "I just, I had to know."

"She's never hurt me, Midget. Or Cassie," Tom promised. "She's not like the others."

"Tom?" I asked, after we'd broken apart.

"Yeah, Midget?" Tom put an arm around his shoulder as we walked along the path.

"When Aftran enters your head," I began, a little awkwardly. "What's it like?"

Tom's eyebrows sort of scrunched together. "It's different, depending on if it's after we talk to Cassie or after she'd fed in the pool. Did you want to hear about one in particular, or both?"

"Both."

Tom snickered a little. "Okay. Why don't we sit down?"

I nodded, and we walked in silence for a minute or so, until Tom found us a nice stopping point. Meaning that it was fairly secluded, at the base of a nearby large tree.

"How's this, Midget?" he queried.

I gave it another scan. "Looks good."

"Okay. So, how about if I tell you about the pool first, since that's the worst?" He studied me, and when I nodded, Tom took my hand. "As you've seen, the guards hold the involuntaries like me down, so that she has plenty of time to get in. When she first starts to climb into my ear, I feel a very small amount of pain, like a shot. But, as soon as I can register it, the pain's gone. Yeerks naturally secrete painkillers, which also work to repair any damage they cause when they climb into their host's ear. Ours are pretty small, considering their size. They can stretch themselves pretty thin, but still..." Tom shrugged. "So, yeah, I don't feel anything except pressure after Aftran doses my ear with the painkilling anesthetic."

I nodded. "Then, what happens?"

"As she moves farther into my head, I lose more control," Tom continued, almost wincing. "It's pretty gradual, but it's kind of random. Like morphing, you know? It's not like I can know if it will be my feet first, or my left arm first. Plus," he added, a little jokingly, "like morphing, it's never been the same way twice."

I shut his eyes. Picturing my brother as a helpless slave. It felt like a Hork-Bajir blade right though my chest.

"Then, she has control of every part of you," I murmured.

I felt Tom squeeze my hand, again. "Only until we're out of the Yeerk Pool area. She always lets go once we're gone. The whole thing is probably over with in five minutes, Jake."

I forced a nod. "But after she infests you, after she's been in Cassie's head, it's not like that?"

"That's right. I mean, the painkiller is still the same, but I think Aftran kind of suppresses her instincts so that she doesn't take control once she starts to connect to my mind. She's able to get to my senses without making me lose control of anything. Which I prefer, obviously," Tom concluded.

"Why can't she do that at the Pool?" I asked.

Okay, complained.

"Way too easy for someone to suspect something. I can't fake being empire Yeerk level calm at the Pool, not like Aftran. It's safer for both of us if she's in charge in front of hundreds of people and Hork-Bajir and Taxxons who, even if they don't have Yeerks when they see us, will have them within an hour. It's one thing for an involuntary host like me to be freaked out. That's normal. But a Yeerk like Aftran, who's playing my old Yeerk? That's just asking for problems," Tom explained, gently.

I wondered if he and Aftran had had a similar conversation. Necessary or not, I couldn't believe that sense of losing control over your body, especially so gradually, was something Tom could get used to. It had to be horrible for him.

Still. I nodded. "Yeah, that'd be way too risky. Even if you could fake it, it wouldn't be worth it. No offense, Tom."

He smiled at me. "None taken. It's why she has full control whenever we're in a Yeerk setting, but loose control at some other times."

Now, I was confused. Tom was acting like he had to fight Aftran even when they were outside of the Yeerk Pool.

"Huh?" I asked.

Yeah. How eloquent.

"Full control," Tom began, "is when a Yeerk is connected to your body so that, even if they're just sitting or lying down and not doing anything, you can't do anything. You're powerless. Like when you were infested by Temrash. But, loose control is when they're the one using your body, but in a way that you can do so, too. Without having to fight them. It's essentially sharing control."

"But-" This still didn't make much sense. "Why does she need to do that at all? Why not just let you be in charge?"

Tom wrapped an arm around me. "Sometimes, it's easier when she's the one using my body. Like, if I want to take a nap during class." He nudged me a little, and I managed a small smile. "I can literally fall asleep in class and not get caught, because Aftran's there to make me look like a good little student. She's also faster at writing than I am, which we take advantage of when we do my homework. I'm sure I can think of other examples, but the point is, it's the best thing for both of us."

I had to laugh at that. "Okay. I guess it's not all bad."

"Right. Then, there's when we're in your meetings, and we both want to be able to say something. Aftran's sure not going to prevent me from talking, then, but I want her to be able to speak her mind, too. So, she uses loose control, and we say who's speaking beforehand," Tom continued. "Again, she's using my body, but so can I. And, don't worry, Midget. I promise, it doesn't hurt, and it's not any harder for me to talk or move when she's in this mode than it would be if she wasn't there."

I nodded, yet again, taking it all in. Another question entered my mind. "When she's in your head, when she's not talking or taking control, do you feel her there?"

Tom looked confused. "Huh?"

"I mean, can you feel her? Like, in your head?" I pressed.

Fortunately, Tom just shook his head. "I can feel her emotions, but not physically, no. Not like there's water or something stuck in my brain." He gave me a strang look. "Why? Did you feel Temrash like that?"

I just shook my head, but to be honest, I couldn't be entirely sure. "But he had full control when he was there, so I couldn't really feel my body the way I can now. You know? Senses and stuff are kind of muted."

"I remember." Tom looked pained. "But, it's not like that, now. Even when she's in full control, Aftran gives me full access to my senses. And when she's not, I hear her voice when she speaks to me, and I always have a sense of her emotions, but I don't feel like there's something in my brain. I mean, physically."

I had to laugh. "Yeah, I can't imagine there would be many voluntary Controllers if it felt like there was water or something stuck in there."

"Probably not." Tom smiled at me.

We started talking about regular stuff. I told Tom about this History test I had coming up with Tidwell, and I was sure it would be tough. He promised to help me study. He told me about Calculus, and how if I thought Algebra was bad...Like I said, normal stuff. After awhile, I suggested we head back, maybe shoot some hoops, and Tom agreed. We spent an hour or so doing just that. He definitely had a talent for it. Even after being a slave in his mind for three years, and not playing at all for two, he was as good as I remembered. Gave me pointers, even though we both knew I didn't have the time or skill for the school team.

After school the next day, we deposited Aftran off at Cassie's for a one night sleepover. They were trying longer periods of separation, I guessed, to help Tom get along without Aftran, or maybe, just to give Cassie more time with her. It still felt weird to be sharing a Yeerk, but, well, who was I to object, if they were both okay with the arrangement?

Anyway, we spent a good part of Saturday doing homework. Tom helped me with History, quizzing me for Tidwell's test next week. He promised we'd continue to study together during the days that followed. We finished around three, and I suggested calling Cassie to arrange for picking up Aftran. If she was by the phone. For all we knew, she could be doing chores. Anyway, Tom agreed, and I dialed her number, discreetly asking about a time for us to stop by. She was ready whenever we were, so I hung up the phone to give the news to Tom.

He was reading a book when I stopped by his room.

"She told us we could head over whenever we wanted," I informed Tom. Nodding at the book that was open in his hands, I added, "What's that?"

Tom shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. He closed the book and glanced at the cover. I recognized it as one of the Redwall books. Probably a gift that I'd never ended up reading. Just took up space on the bookshelf.

"You ever read them?" Tom asked as he placed it back on my bookshelf.

I shook my head. "Don't think so."

I had my learner's permit, but Dad didn't want me driving without him or Mom present. So, Tom drove us to Cassie's. She was waiting in the barn, grinning at us.

"Have a good time?" Tom asked her.

"We did," she answered. "And you?

Tom nodded. "It felt weird, but not as bad as the four days. We should try this again, if you want?"

"It doesn't have to be every weekend, Tom," Cassie assured him. "I'm happy that I get to spend a few hours with Aftran a couple of times a week. I hope you know that?"

"I do." Tom turned to me, and I nodded.

"Definitely. We just want to find something that everyone can live with."

I didn't add that it still felt strange that both my brother and kind of girlfriend were essentially sharing custody of a Yeerk. I could be obtuse at times, but even I knew that would just make everything awkward.

Cassie was quiet for a second, then spoke up again. "Aftran says that she wouldn't be surprised if, after the war, this kind of thing became popular. Fewer people taking on a Yeerk full time, but doing a sort of timeshare."

Tom laughed. "Would most Yeerks be able to handle it? Two or more different human brains on the regular?"

"It would take some adjusting to," Cassie agreed, "but if the alternative was no host at all..."

"They might want a day off each week," I pointed out, just to have something to contribute to the conversation. "Three days with one person, three with another, and one to just hang out in the pool."

Another pause, and then Cassie spoke up again. "Aftran thinks you might have a point, there."

I had to admit it-I was kind of pleased that she agreed with me.

"You...ready?" Tom asked, glancing at Cassie's ear.

Cassie nodded, and, once again, I watched as they turned with their ears facing each other. This wasn't the Yeerk Pool. Just two friends who had a timeshare Yeerk, taking turns. It felt bizarre, but, then, maybe it wouldn't if we weren't fighting a war. If the Yeerks had come in peace, willing to share control, and not subject anyone to infestation who didn't want a Yeerk in their head.

Yeah. And pigs could fly.

Once Aftran was back in Tom's head, we said goodbye to Cassie, and left the barn. I remained close to Tom, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"You okay, Midget?" He wanted to know.

"Yeah," I replied, smiling at my big brother. "It's just-a year ago, even six months ago, if you'd told me we'd be doing this, I would have said you were crazy."

"Me, or just someone in general?" Tom teased, elbowing him a little.

I laughed. "I guess, someone in general. If it had been you, well, not only would I have thought your Yeerk had totally lost it, I would have been worried because of-"

I didn't finish.

"Infiltration," Tom finished, squeezing my shoulders a little.

"Yeah." Figuring I might as well just spit it out, I turned to face Tom. "I worried about you-your Yeerk-suspecting me."

Tom just nodded, seeming to understand. "Temrash and Gariss were completely ignorant in that aspect, trust me. If they'd suspected anything, they'd have gone straight to Visser Three."

"I knew that your Yeerks were close with Chapman, and he was close to Visser Three. Or, that Visser Three kept him close. We had to be super careful."

Tom grinned at me. "Like speaking in code and thinking my Yeerks had bugged the house?"

I had to laugh, but really, I wouldn't have put anything past the Yeerks. "You have to admit, it was better to be paranoid than not. For all we knew, every Yeerk who wasn't living alone was bugging their host's house and listening to the conversations each night."

"Okay. I'll give you that," Tom conceded. "And, anyway, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be careful. Just that the real danger, around home, is Mom and Dad finding out about what's going on. Even though they're not infested, I don't think they should know that we're fighting a war against aliens. Not unless something huge changes, like Visser Three finally gets his wish and the invasion goes public. Which is so not going to happen in the near future."

We got in the car, and I settled into the front seat. "You know, Tom, it's great to be able to talk to you about this."

"Yeah, I bet. Me not being the enemy anymore has to be a huge weight off your shoulders," he murmured, gently.

I grabbed his hand. "It wasn't you, Tom. It was never you."

Tom squeezed my hand. "Yeah. I know. But, still."

I nodded, feeling my throat tighten, just a little. "Yeah." I forced a smile. "But, hey, now we have you and Aftran on our side. That's not too bad."

"Yeah, pretty sweet exchange you got there, Midget," Tom snickered. "And me, of course."

"Well, since the Yeerk's in your head..." I pointed out, raising my eyebrows, just a little. "Yeah."

Tom squeezed my hand, again. "Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though Tom's been with Aftran for three months and he and Jake have been spending a lot of time together, with and without Aftran, I can imagine that the kind of topics that this chapter addresses simply haven't come up before now. Jake, being forced into the leader role from the beginning, has always fought to save Tom. This fight continues, because even though Tom and Aftran are friends, Tom remains in the line of danger. Not to mention that Aftran--posing as Tom's old Yeerk--could always be reassigned, or word could come out that she's posing as his Yeerk. Neither of which are very likely to happen, but they remain possibilities. 
> 
> I suppose you could say that Jake has taken over the role of protective big brother from the beginning of the series, and hasn't been able to let it go. Tom, for his part, is still healing from his three years of trauma with his other Yeerks. With Aftran to help him there, Tom has become a lot more of himself than he was three months ago, when he teamed up with Aftran. Now, he's both able and wanting to take on the role of "protective big brother" to Jake.
> 
> What I'm trying to say is that the story doesn't end after Tom is freed. It's only beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

We drove the rest of the way in silence. I decided to study more for my history test, and Tom retreated to his room, probably to talk to Aftran, or maybe read.

Before I knew it, Mom was calling me to dinner. After we ate, Tom asked me if I was going to hang out with Marco that evening.

I shook my head. "He and his dad are seeing a movie."

He was looking forward to it, too. Marco and his dad hadn't been spending as much time together, since his dad had started dating Nora. Maybe his dad felt that way, too. I knew it was hard on Marco, since his mom might still be alive. Not to mention that Nora was his math teacher. At least, his dad was happy, now.

Anyway, I was glad that he and his dad were going to spend an evening together.

"That's cool," Tom answered.

"You got any plans?" I asked, hoping the answer was no.

Tom shrugged. "Homework's done for the weekend, and I don't have a Sharing meeting until next week. I'm pretty much free, if you want to hang out."

"There's an old movie on tonight, if you kids are interested," Dad spoke up. "Invasion of the Body Snatchers."

"Oh, I've seen that!" Mom piped up. "Let's all watch it. I'll make popcorn."

We exchanged looks of disbelief. No way did we want to watch a movie about alien invasion when we were living through it.

"You guys have fun. I think I'll pass," I answered, smiling at them, and trying not to make direct eye contact with Tom.

We'd probably start laughing. Not that this would be the worst thing in the world, but there was no reason to add to our parents' suspicion.

"Yeah, I'll pass on that," Tom put in. "I already saw it a couple of years ago. Once was plenty."

If I hadn't been avoiding looking at Tom before, I sure would have needed to now. Even so, I couldn't quite swallow a laugh. I ended up having a coughing fit. Tom grabbed a glass of water from the cabinet and handed it to me, looking both amused and sympathetic.

I took a few sips of water, which helped, and grinned at him. "Thanks, Tom. Don't know what came over me."

Tom wrapped an arm around my shoulder, giving him a quick squeeze. "Happy to help, Midget."

Our parents smiled at each other. You know, those looks parents give each other that when they're sharing a moment and think their kids have no idea what's going on. Well, to their credit, I guessed that our being friends again was still sort of new in their eyes.

To be honest, I was glad. If they noticed that we were spending a lot of time together, they wouldn't think anything was up. Not like we were fighting alien invaders or anything.

Well, okay. We were spending some of that time just being brothers. Then again, after nearly three years of distance, we were allowed to have some fun.

I gulped down the rest of the water, then rinsed out the glass and dried it with a towel.

"Hey, Jake?" he asked. "You want to shoot hoops outside? Should be light out for a little longer."

I nodded, smiling at him. "Yeah, sure. Sounds good."

"Have fun!" Dad told us, smiling.

Tom gave my shoulder another squeeze as we headed outside. It was perfect weather to shoot hoops. Not too hot, and a perfect amount of breeze.

I removed the ball from a crate in the garage, then tested to make sure it was okay. It was. Then, I took a shot at the basket, and it flew in perfectly. Almost on impulse, Tom caught the ball, just after it hit the asphalt from the driveway.

"Nice one, Midget," he grinned, dribbling the ball a couple of times before taking a shot at the basket. It flew in, and it was a race to grab the ball before Jake could.

We competed for a little, but after some time, Tom gave me some pointers. They helped, too. I realized, after a half hour, that I had this silly grin glued to my face. This was what I'd hoped for, all those times I'd fantasized about Tom being free again.

Now, it was real.

It felt like the perfect evening. The kind of normalcy I'd forgotten about during the last two years. Just two brothers playing basketball. Almost like a scene from one of those home movies parents would take.

After playing for half an hour or so, I tried to steal the ball away from Tom, without any luck. Even without practicing for two years, he could detect me creeping up behind him in an attempt to make a play against him. Oh well. Life couldn't be completely perfect, after all.

In a way, I was kind of proud of Tom.

More than kind of.

"If we weren't playing, that would have earned you a wedgie," he teased.

"Hey, I had to try, Tom," I laughed.

Tom rolled his eyes and gave me a punch on the shoulder.

It wasn't a hard punch. I mean, it hurt a little, but it was hardly the kind of punch that a school bully would give you. I probably would have laughed it off, except, somehow, the way I was standing or walking or something-I fell. Hard. Before I knew it, I was on my side on the driveway, and based on the shoot of pain going through my left side, my shoulder had taken the brunt of it.

It was all I could do not to shout out. Not that it mattered. Before I could look up, Tom was by my side, helping me up, asking me if I was okay. I nodded, and it was mostly true. The pain from my shoulder was fading, somewhat, as the seconds went by. I could see that my shirt had a tear in it, but there wasn't blood gushing down, or anything like that.

I tried to make a joke about it. "Yeah, I'm okay. Guess I'm just clumsy."

"Let me take a look," Tom urged.

I didn't bother to protest, and he carefully pulled the top of my shirt down to examine my shoulder. A memory came to my mind. I was ten, and Tom was almost thirteen. I'd scraped my knee after falling off my bicycle. Too old to cry about it, but I could still remember the tears falling down my face. Tom had helped me walk inside, reassuring me that it wouldn't hurt too much if I let him clean up the cut. I'd agreed, and later, he'd given me a big bowl of ice cream for being a "brave patient". Way too much for me to eat on my own, so Tom helped me finish it.

We weren't kids anymore, but I felt this mix of pain and nostalgia inside my chest when I realized Tom was still my protective big brother. Sure, I'd fought battles as an animal, and the first one had been even right in front of Tom. My attempt at freeing him from the Yeerk Pool. I'd been cut up way worse than this.

Still. Right now, he was the older brother, back to checking me for those regular, every day cuts and bruises.

I swallowed a lump inside my throat.

After a minute or so, Tom let go of the shirt. Put an arm around my shoulder.

"Am I going to live?" I joked.

"You'll make it through the night, but I'd get rid of that shirt, and definitely clean the cut in the shower. Tonight. You don't want that to get infected. Besides," Tom added, teasingly, "you need it, after all that running around."

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll do that."

I didn't point out that morphing would remove any chance of infection. Didn't want to make him feel stupid for forgetting about that.

Tom wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Maybe, that's enough practice for today? You have gotten pretty good, Midget."

Another nod. "Okay. We'll play again soon, though?"

I sort of let myself rest against Tom for a minute, then, out of impulse, hugged him. He squeezed me back, holding me for a good minute. "Definitely," he promised.

I was relieved. I didn't want this to be the end of playing basketball with Tom. I didn't want him thinking I was too weak to handle a couple of cuts.

We let go, and Tom picked up the ball from the ground, then walked with me to the garage, where he placed the ball back in the crate for safe keeping.

Afterwards, he placed an arm around me. "Hey...Midget? Have fun?"

I leaned against him. "Always, Tom."

Our parents were still watching the bodysnatchers movie, so we tried to head upstairs quietly, without disturbing them.

"I'm gonna take that shower," I told Tom. "Um, want to hang out, afterwards? I got this new video game we could try."

"Sure, sounds fun." Tom smiled as he looked down as his sweat soaked shirt. "Think I'll need to shower before that. You go first, though."

"I'll be quick," I promised.

Tom just ran a hand through my hair. "Take your time, Jake. Anyway, Aftran reminded me that I've got some reading to finish for school, and it would be great to have a homework free day tomorrow."

I nodded, and disappeared down the hall, to our shared bathroom.

There wasn't any dirt lodged in my shoulder, but it was still pretty raw. I cleaned it off, carefully, and then just relaxed under the hot water. Most, if not all, of the pain seemed to ease up in the water. Afterwards, I changed into an oversized pair of PJs that I wouldn't have worn normally, but everything else was waiting for Mom to wash. Afterwards, I noticed that at least some of the pain in my shoulder was back. Well, I'd just have to tough it out.

Anyway, it wasn't really that bad.

I headed back into Tom's room, and he smiled at me.

At first, I thought I managed the faking it pretty well. Tom made a remark about my pajamas being too big for me, still. Mom had bought them a year or so ago, and they practically swallowed me up. Like I said, I wouldn't have worn them, now, except everything else was dirty.

Tom went to take his shower, and, more out of boredom than anything else, I took him up on his offer to read Hemingway. One page in, my head hurt way worse than my shoulder from that attempt, and it made me wonder if Tom found schoolwork any easier for Aftran to help him.

Probably. I couldn't really imagine it. Was Aftran explain everything to Tom in a way he could understand? Did she sit back in his mind and take over if he had trouble understanding something?

Cassie had mentioned that her homework took way less time when Aftran helped, and Tom had said something like that, too. Maybe, if the war ever ended and we could trust some Yeerks, receiving tutoring from Yeerks would be a thing. Instead of going to a teacher for help, you'd just put a slug in your head for a couple of hours.

Maybe, it wouldn't be so bad. If they didn't take control or played back your worst memories. If they just talked to you, helped you to understand what you were missing in class.

I remembered that Cassie and Aftran had seen a movie together. Aftran hadn't taken control away from Cassie, hadn't locked her in her mind while she used Cassie's senses. They'd shared control, enjoying the movie, eating snacks together. Probably, talking throughout the movie, without bothering anyone. They'd had fun together.

I sort of frowned to myself, trying to imagine a world where Yeerks didn't treat humans like just bodies. When they-as a species-actually wanted to help us.

If I hadn't met Aftran, via Cassie, I would have claimed that it could never happen.

Even now, I thought that Yeerks like her were in the minority. Most wouldn't want to help us. They just wanted to use us.

I ended up spending the rest of the time reading one of Tom's comic books, laying on my stomach on his bed, knowing he wouldn't mind. I heard him enter the room, and he sat down next to me, running a hand along my still damp hair.

"Hey," I greeted, smiling.

"Hey, yourself," he laughed. Nodding at the comic, he asked, "Which one is that?"

"Batman," I answered, and turned it around to show him. "Read it before, but it's fun to reread them."

"Fun." Tom studied me. "That can't be comfortable?"

I just shrugged. "I read like that all the time. When I'm not sitting, or lying on my back in bed."

Tom raised an eyebrow at me. "How's your shoulder?"

I looked up at him, figuring I knew where this was headed. He was going to apologize for hurting me, even though he hadn't really hurt me. Not like a Yeerk could.

Anyway, it wasn't Tom's fault I had fallen on the driveway.

"My shoulder?" I echoed, stalling.

Tom eyed me. "Yeah, Midget. The one I punched, earlier? That you fell on?"

I could feel my face turn red. "Oh," I replied, lamely. "It's fine, Tom."

I had this feeling he didn't completely believe me.

"Great." Yeah, he definitely could tell I was not completely okay. Then, more gently, he asked, "Can I see it?"

"Well," I stalled, still not quite meeting his eyes, "it's a little sore. But, if it's not okay tomorrow, it will be back to normal the next time I morph. And it's really not too bad, now."

Another sigh. "Midget, come on," he practically pleaded. "Let me be your overprotective big brother?"

I forced myself into a sitting position, rolling my eyes at him, managing not to wince. I even managed to moved the fabric from my PJ top away from my bad shoulder without indicating that this hurt. I sat there while he prodded it, studying it. I waited until Tom's inspection was over, so he could see I was wasn't going to die that night.

"Well, I think you'll survive the night," he determined.

I was about to turn away, maybe retort with a, "I told you so!" when Tom spoke up again, a little more quietly, this time.

"That being said, how about a back rub?"

I didn't respond, or, not verbally. I just pulled the fabric from my pajamas over my shoulder. Any excuse to avoid his eyes.

Did Tom really think I was that weak? Did he pity me over such a minor injury, if you could even call it that?

"It's just...it could help you sleep easier," he explained, his voice gentle.

I stared at him, wondering how bad he thought I was hurt, to baby me this way. I wasn't some kid with a bruised knee. I didn't need the promise of ice cream to let him take care of cleaning up my scrapes.

I stared at the blankets. "Tom. You don't need to-to baby me. I'm fine, really."

I felt Tom wrap his arms around me, almost holding me. Funny, but that felt protective, not really babying.

"I know you'll be okay," he reassured me, his voice still gentle. "But...humor me. Let me be the overprotective big brother, tonight. All right?"

I had to sigh, just a little, but I nodded. Tom carefully positioned me I was laying on my stomach, my head was propped against the stack of his pillows.

"Comfortable?"

I managed a yes.

I felt my older brother place my hands together on the top of my neck, just below the ends of my hair.

"Okay." Tom began with my neck. His touch felt gentle, and he moved slowly. "I'm gonna start here, first. If anything starts to hurt, let me know, okay? Don't tough it out. Promise me, Jake?"

"Promise," I agreed, letting my eyes close.

By now, I figured that if Tom was that insistent on babying me, well, I might as well try to relax and let him get it over with.

At first, Tom kept working his hands along the top of my neck. I guessed he wanted to start above the bruised area before working his way around there. Or, maybe, he wanted me to feel more relaxed before moving towards my injured shoulder.

Okay, so it was relaxing. I could even feel myself getting sleepy, my breathing start to slow down, the way it did before I fell asleep at night. A few minutes in, I found myself wondering why I'd protested in the first place. Tom was my older brother. He cared about me. He knew what I went through, fighting the Yeerks. Letting him take care of me for once...okay, I could do that.

Suddenly, he was speaking to me, again.

"Jake? You still okay?" Tom asked, now gently massaging my shoulders.

I did feel a very brief sting of pain in my injured shoulder. I must have made a noise of protest, or something like that, because Tom abruptly moved his hands away from that particular part of my shoulder. After that, it just felt...good. I felt myself relax completely.

"Yeah," I managed to mumble. I managed turned his head towards Tom, and even though I kept my eyes closed, I hoped he could see that my face was relaxed. "It feels good, Tom."

"No pain, now?" he prodded.

"No," I answered, truthfully.

I thought I heard Tom laugh as I felt him move his hands to the middle of my back.

I half expected him to stop in a few minutes or so. I mean, I was already half asleep. But, he just kept it up, massaging all of my back under the fabric of my pajama top, then moving back to my shoulders again. He went over the injured area again, really gentle, and whether it was time or Tom's ministrations, it felt like that pain had mostly disappeared.

As the moments passed, it was like all of the tension I must have been carrying, ever since the beginning of the Yeerk invasion, was starting to fade away completely. I wasn't the Jake before the Yeerks invaded. That part of me was long gone. Still, right now, it felt like most of the weight I must have been carrying around for years was suddenly lifted from my body.

I felt light, lighter than I had in years.

I realized that I felt...completely safe.

I might have fallen asleep for real, because I almost started when I heard Tom's voice.

"Jake?" His face was right above mine. His hands were no longer working on my back.

I didn't answer right away, since I was in that hazy place between being awake and being asleep. "You say something?" I mumbled.

A laugh, and I noticed Tom stretching out his hands, cracking his knuckles. "Just checking that you were still awake."

Figuring that this was my cue that Tom was finished with the back rub, and still feeling more asleep than awake, I turned over on my side without any pain, hoping Tom would notice. "Yeah. Thanks...Tom."

Tom seemed relieved, tucked a piece of my hair around my right ear. "I know it's not that late, but maybe, we can skip the video game for tonight?"

"Sounds good," I mumbled. Figuring it was time to head to my bedroom, I started to get up, only to be stopped with Tom's hand on my uninjured shoulder, and the feeling of blankets being tucked in around my body.

"You're already half asleep, Midget," he pointed out, giving it a light squeeze. "I won't be cruel and kick you out."

I managed a smile, then stopped, making again as though to get up. "But, I didn't brush my teeth."

Tom joined me under the covers, wrapping me in a bear hug. "Jake," he laughed. "One night's not gonna kill you."

"Yeah. Guess not," I allowed, leaning against him. "Thanks, Tom."

I relaxed into the hug, letting my head rest against his shoulders.

"Any time, Midget." He squeezed me tighter, and, for the second time that night, I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so safe or comfortable.

Tom asked if I was comfortable, which I thought I answered, but maybe it was just in my head. Like I said, I was already more than half asleep from the back rub, and being held by Tom and wrapped up under the blankets, kind of like a giant caterpillar, eased my way to a complete and restful sleep.

My last thought, before sleep overtook me, was that it was kind of nice just to be the younger brother, again.

I had no nightmares that night.

"Morning, sleepyhead. How are you feeling?" Tom asked when I woke up.

"Pretty good," I answered, smiling. Remembering how safe I'd felt when I'd fallen asleep last night. How safe I still felt.

"Shoulder okay?" he pressed.

I nodded. "Good as new. Thanks, Tom."

Tom tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "Glad to hear it. Still tired?"

"A little," I admitted, hiding a yawn.

"Yeah. Same here," he admitted, almost laughing.

Tentatively, I sort of leaned towards Tom, who reacted by wrapping his arms around me in a hug. "How's that?"

"Good."

This time, I didn't manage to hold back a yawn.

He was still holding me, and I was kind of glad when he didn't let go.

"Tom?" I asked, after a minute.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For last night."

Tom turned his head towards me, smiling. "Which part? Basketball? Injuring you?" he teased. "The back rub?"

I winced, just a little. "Not the injuring me part, if you could call it that."

"I do," Tom retorted. "Midget, you could hardly move your shoulder."

I just shrugged. "Well, yeah. Anyway, I meant both...but the back rub. It helped."

He gave me a smile. "Any time, Midget."

Figuring Tom was joking, I laughed. "Yeah. Okay."

"Okay, not any time," Tom amended. "How about...once a week? Maybe twice, if you've had a battle, or, you know, just had a really hard week?"

I sort of did a double take. "You're...serious?"

Tom rolled his eyes at me. "You risk your life fighting the Yeerks on the regular. You've gone up against Visser Three and survived more times than anyone else I've known. Oh, and you saved me. Yes, Jake, I'm being serious."

I couldn't figure out what to say.

"You don't need to, Tom," I insisted. "You don't-you don't owe me anything."

That was why he was doing it, right? Because he felt grateful that we'd freed him?

No, it was probably because he felt sorry for me. That I'd been infested by Temrash.

Maybe both.

Tom sighed, then pulled me into another hug. "Jake," he began. "When are you going to get it through your smart, yet somehow incredibly thick skull that I want to help you? If you have a nightmare, if you want to talk or vent...yes, if you are just having a really rough day, and want to relax. I am here for you. Okay?"

"Okay," I agreed.

Still kind of, well, surprised.

I'd wanted my brother back for years. I'd known we'd always been close. Had I forgotten what things had been like between us, before he got involved in The Sharing? How distant had we become, before he'd gotten infested?

A few minutes later, still hugging me, Tom must have felt that something was wrong. Or, at least, unspoken.

"Midget?" he pressed me. "Come on. You can talk to me."

I swallowed, hard, moving out of his hug. Tom let me go. He must have known that I needed the physical distance.

"It's-it's not your fault, Tom," I began, awkwardly. "Just that...the last couple of years, and when you started going to The Sharing. Even before I knew about the Yeerks, it was like we weren't close anymore. It's why I tried out for the basketball team. I thought that, you know, if I had your old spot..."

Tom didn't respond, not at first. When he did, he started with wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I was glad.

"Jake. You're right. I'm sorry. I was a jerk. I guess you know why I joined The Sharing? From Temrash's memory dump at the end?"

I nodded. "You liked a girl who was a member."

"Yeah." He sighed. "And I had complete tunnel vision, and pretty much shut you out because I was so obsessed with her. By the time I knew what was going on...anyway, I'm sorry. You're right."

"It's not-" I started, then stopped, feeling my throat tighten. I inhaled, then exhaled. "I'm not angry at you, Tom. I-"

I couldn't get the thought out. Fortunately, Tom seemed to understand.

"I get it. Really." He hugged me, again. Whatever the world record for the most hugs given to a person in one day was, if this kept up, Tom and I were sure to break it. Not that I minded. "It's going to take time to be completely open, right? Because of everything that's happened."

"Also," I added, nodding, "I mean, I'm worried about you."

"Because I still get nightmares and have to have my body taken from me at the Yeerk Pool?" Tom guessed.

Another nod. "I don't want to add to it, Tom."

"Jake, remember what I said a few days ago? When I told you to come and get me if you had a nightmare?" I nodded my head. "Same thing applies with talking, okay? I have Aftran to help me. Right now, life is going to be pretty hard for both of us. Until we destroy the Yeerk empire, until the Andalites take over...whatever happens. The thing is, now we have each other. Now, I'm not a slave to some empire Yeerk. Whatever either of us is going through, whatever PTSD or whatever, we need to have someone to talk to. I have Aftran. You, Midget, have me. Okay?"

"Okay," I mumbled.

I guessed he was being serious. Or, sincere. Tom actually wanted me to go to him with the nitty gritty war stuff. I'd been trying to protect him from that, but...

He gave me a light nudge. "I'm holding you to that." Then, Tom paused. "I mean, I'm not going to, like, lock you in your room until you tell me everything that's on your mind. I get that you want some privacy. Just...talk to me. Don't keep it in. I'm your big brother, you know? I want to be there for you, and I can't do that if you won't let me."

I nodded. "Okay. I'll try."

"Okay," Tom, repeated, then yawned. "Now, I'm tired. Let's say we get a couple more hours of sleep, okay?"

"Sounds good."

We both lay back down, and Tom wrapped me up into another bear hug. I closed my eyes, feeling safer than I had in awhile.


	4. Chapter 4

When I opened my eyes again, wrapped up in a Tom's bear hug, it was after 8. I turned towards him, and he smiled at me.

"Hey," Tom greeted. "Sleep well?"

I smiled, nodding. "Yeah."

My stomach chose that moment to growl.

Tom let go of one of his arms that was still wrapped around me. Gave my left side a playful nudge. "Hungry?"

"You couldn't tell?" I laughed.

"Yeah, me too. I didn't want to wake you up, though..." Tom trailed off.

"Thanks. You didn't wait too long, did you?" I asked him, a little concerned.

"Naw, maybe five minutes." Tom rumpled my hair. "Anyway, I wasn't going to starve, either way."

I nodded, relieved. We got out of bed, and Tom studied me. "You know, you're almost as tall as me. I might need to stop calling you midget if that happens."

I laughed, following Tom out the door. "I don't mind. You can go call me that, even when I'm a foot taller than you."

Tom snickered, draping an arm around my shoulder. "Oh, you might not be a midget anymore, but you're never going to be a foot taller than me."

"Probably not," I relented. I paused, considering for a minute, my hand still on the doorknob. "Does Aftran ever call you anything? Like, a nickname?"

"She calls me 'honey' sometimes. But nothing super creative, like 'midget'," Tom answered. "Not sure Yeerks are very creative that way. Even the good ones."

Tom must have been talking to Aftran, because he had stopped walking.

"Tom? You coming?" I asked from the doorway.

"Sorry. Got distracted," he explained, a little sheepishly, pointing to his head.

I nodded, kind of pleased for having guessed right, and we headed downstairs.

During the weekends, breakfast has become "eat whatever you find in the cabinets or the fridge before Mom went shopping" on Monday. Not that we were in any danger of starving. We'd run out of stuff once or twice, and Mom would make a stop at the market before then.

Tom chose Frosted Flakes, while I got a much more healthy breakfast of honey nut Cheerios. After drowning our cereal in milk, we sat down to eat. My parents, of course, were already at the table, eating toast and drinking coffee, and reading the newspaper.

"Morning, kids," Mom greeted, looking up at us as we sat down.

"Hey. How was the movie?" I asked.

Dad looked up from his paper, grinning. "Oh, you kids missed a real classic."

"I don't know, Dad," Tom retorted, stirring his cereal around in his bowl. "I'm sure those special effects were pretty good for the dark ages, but I'd have a hard time suspending disbelief if I saw them today."

"Now, young man, I'll have you know that I'm not that old," Dad admonished. "I'm from the Renaissance, at least."

I groaned. "Sure. You were around when dinosaurs walked the planet."

Tom gave me a funny look, but didn't say anything.

Someday, maybe. I didn't know what he'd think about our choice to let an entire species die. Even if it was supposed to happen. Or, maybe not. Thinking about time travel too much gave me a headache.

On the other hand, there were some stories that I could tell Tom. He'd probably get a kick out of Visser Three being sprayed by a skunk.

After breakfast, Mom head out to teach a creative writing class at the local college, and Dad had a patient he wanted to check up on. He almost never did house calls, but based on how everything had gone on Friday, and at the request of the kid's parents, he wanted to be extra careful.

"Try not to burn the house down while we're away," Dad joked, starting up the car.

"I thought you were a kid when they discovered fire," I shot back, grinning.

Dad just laughed, and waved goodbye as his car disappeared down the driveway.

"Nice one." Tom grinned at me. "Kind of a Marco joke, but nearly not as bad."

I smiled back. "Thanks. They're not all bad, you know."

"I'll take your word on that." We headed back inside. "We never did get a chance to try out that video game last night. You up for it?"

"Definitely!"

I set up the video game on the computer in my room, since I had a gaming system there, and Tom took a seat on the floor. Once finished, I gave him a console, and pressed play.

Tom let out a good natured groan. "Aliens flying spaceships, Midget? Really?"

"Hey, at least they aren't little green men," I protested.

"No, they're little red men flying green spaceships!" Tom snickered.

We still played several rounds. Tom was good. Then...

"Hey, Jake?" Tom spoke up, kind of tentatively. "Aftran wants to play you."

I nodded. "You'll still be able to..."

"Yeah, don't worry," he confirmed, taking my hand and squeezing it for a few seconds.

Ten minutes later, Aftran won three straight rounds. Easily.

"You're good, Aftran. Better than me," I admitted.

She laughed. "I had the advantage of watching your brother play and feeling him play before taking my turn," she explained.

I nodded. It made sense. "Extra practice before the big game, huh?"

"Essentially," Aftran conceded.

I watched Aftran for a minute, not saying anything, just observing her. "Is it weird for you, when you're not in control?"

Aftran shook Tom's head. "I thought it would be, especially when Cassie let me back in her head. Before you were able to rescue Tom, I mean. We-Cassie and I-shared control, at times, but mostly, I sat back inside her mind. There's a Yeerk instinct that tells us to take control, especially when we infest a new host for the first time. Some members of the Peace Movement believe it's evolutionary, since we coevolved with the Gedds, and I've never seen a Gedd attempt to fight when their Yeerk left their head."

"You were never at the home world," I ventured.

Aftran nodded Tom's head. "That's true. However, I've heard the stories of when Prince Seerow first encountered our kind. Even if they were revised by the empire, I can't believe that he would have given our race the technology to travel to other worlds if he witnessed our hosts in distress. Our elders, those born on the home world, claim that we had no physical restraints on our Gedd hosts. Moreover, the concept of breaking a host's mind wasn't even around until after the Quantum Virus was released. While our relationship with our Gedd hosts couldn't be truly symbiotic, it likely wasn't parasitic." After a pause, Aftran added, "My own Gedd, my first host, was very much used to a Yeerk's presence before I infested him, and his memory indicated that he hadn't suffered any mistreatment."

A few months ago, a year ago, I would have thought Aftran was in denial. If not outright lying. No sane person could possibly want a Yeerk in their head. I'd experienced it, after all. I knew how violating it was. How the Yeerk had complete power to make your life a living hell, and all you could do was scream and beg for them to stop, to get out of your head.

But, now? I mean, really, she'd been there, inside her Gedd host, and I hadn't. Moreover, I couldn't remember ever seeing Gedds in cages at the Yeerk Pool. So, maybe they were voluntary. Like the Taxxons.

Tom moved closer to me, placing an arm around my shoulder. "Hey. It's me, again. You okay?"

"Yeah. Just thinking." I smiled. Well, tried to. "A first, I know."

Tom rolled his eyes. "You've been spending way too much time with Marco."

"Tom, you know that we've always been best friends," I objected.

Tom nodded. "Okay. Clearly, his sense of humor has gotten worse over the years, and it's rubbed off on you," he teased.

"Maybe," I allowed. "But, don't tell him I said that. He'd think that this was a good thing."

Tom did the whole zipping lips and throwing away the key sign. "Mum's the word."

We talked for a little about nonsense stuff like that, the way we used to a couple of years ago.

Before Tom had been infested.

Then, almost gently, Tom announced that he had to head out to the Yeerk Pool. Aftran needed to feed. If she went the following day, it would mean waking Tom up way too early for a Monday, and they both avoided that whenever they could. Still, I felt a little disappointed. Tom must have known, because he wrapped me in a long hug.

"Be careful, Tom," I told him, feeling my voice crack, just a little. "You too, Aftran."

"Always," Tom promised, squeezing me tightly. "And, she'll leave my head when we get back-just to be safe."

I forced a nod. Not wanting to think of what would happen if another Yeerk got to Tom first. "Yeah. We should always do that, in case anything goes wrong."

I zoned out for a few hours, just playing a solitary video game. Then, I headed into the kitchen to wait for Tom. I realized that I hadn't had lunch yet, but in case Tom hadn't eaten when he was out, I figured I'd wait for him.

Tom arrived, looking like himself. Not that this mattered, since a Yeerk could do that just fine. Before saying anything, I saw Aftran leaving Tom's head, and he dropped her into a glass of water. I couldn't help it-I let out a long sigh of relief.

"Still her?" I managed a smile.

Tom squeezed my shoulder. "Yeah, still her."

I sat down. "You can't blame me for worrying, Tom."

"Never," he reassured me. "It's not like I don't, whenever we have to go there. I'm always afraid that it won't be her, even though no Yeerk would be foolish enough to attempt to steal a host that wasn't assigned to them."

I nodded. "Yeah. Still, we can't be too careful."

"No argument, there." Tom fished Aftran out of the water, and placed her to his ear. I just watched the whole process with a mix of fascination and, okay, a little wariness. At least Tom wouldn't lose control, this time.

"You eat lunch yet?" he asked me, after washing his hands at the sink. "I was thinking of making a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches."

"I haven't eaten."

He rolled my eyes at him. "Do you want me to make you any?"

I gave Tom what was probably a sheepish smile. "Sure. You make them way better than Mom and Dad." I paused. "Don't tell them I told you."

"Oh, they already know," he laughed. "Since they always seem to wait until I decide to make one, and then ask me to include them. You know," he continued, "I should show you the Tom recipe. It's not going to be too long before you and Cassie are officially married and all that."

"I'm fifteen years old," I pointed out, but I stood up, ready to watch Tom work his grilled cheese sandwich magic.

"So? As a near war hero, that's got to be, what? At least 40? You'll be an old man before too long," he teased me.

I rolled my eyes, but there was some truth to the statement. Sometimes, I felt like an old man. Not today, though.

I paid attention to what Tom was doing, and figured I could replicate it after a few more lessons. Since it was a family (okay, a Tom) recipe, I wasn't going to tell anyone else about it. Except, maybe, Cassie. But only if we ended up getting married.

We didn't do much talking as we ate lunch. The sandwiches were that good, and besides, we still had all afternoon and all evening to hang out. After we finished eating, we just leaned back in our chairs, happy and full.

Then, Tom was staring at me, looking...disturbed.

I frowned at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Mostly. I was just thinking of when I was infested with my old Yeerk, after Temrash, and when you'd been captured. Seeing Ax, as you, devour everything that wasn't nailed down," Tom explained. "Then, you know, finding out what happened. I'm sorry, Midget."

It was my turn to offer Tom some comfort. "Tom, it wasn't your fault. If it hadn't been for you fighting, I might have joined The Sharing. We all might have."

"You were still infested. With Temrash, of all Yeerks." Tom's voice sounded hoarse.

I moved my seat next to Tom, took his hand. He squeezed it like it was a life boat. "Tom. My being infested was some stupid freak accident, because of the Yeerks not wanting us to ruin their new facility for infesting patients. You had nothing to do with it."

Tom just raised my eyebrows. "Temrash had more than a little to do with that part."

"You didn't." I stared at him, probably looking fierce. "It was never you."

He nodded, just a little. "I just...hate to think of you that way. Under this control. Going through the fugue," Tom explained.

I couldn't completely hide a laugh at this. "The fugue was the easiest part, really. For me. I didn't feel any of the pain. I just watched Temrash, experiencing it. Maybe, if he hadn't been an enemy, it would have been harder." I shrugged, waiting for Tom to speak up or something. He didn't, so I plunged ahead. "I mean, I'm sure it would be torture for you or Cassie to watch Aftran go through that. But me? Temrash had stolen my body, was planning to turn in everyone to Visser Three, and spent the better part of the three days either trying to escape, or fantasizing about what Visser Three was going to do with my friends. Kind of hard to feel sorry for someone after that, no matter how much pain they're in. Especially since it wasn't like he felt any remorse about what he'd done. Especially, to you."

Tom squeezed my hand even harder. "He wouldn't. He was too..."

I paused, took a deep breath, and then plunged onward. I mean, we were being totally open with each other now, so, why not? "You know what the last words he said to me were, Tom?"

He put an arm around my shoulder. "What were they?"

"'So. You win, human,'" I quoted, in disgust. "Not, I'm sorry. Not even, you win, Jake. Just, you win, human."

"Yeah," Tom agreed, voice gentle. "I don't blame you for not feeling sorry for him when he died a painful death."

I had to smile. A little. "Sometimes, I wonder why he didn't just leave my head when it was obvious he was going to die. He stayed way later than he should have, you know? Yeerks aren't like humans. They don't fight when they know there's no way of winning."

There was a period of silence before Tom spoke.

"Aftran thinks that Temrash might have wanted to show you that the Yeerk empire would prevail," Tom began. "Plus, Yeerks who haven't actually suffered the fugue speculate that, when a Yeerk is so close to death, to inevitable death, the desire to transfer their memories to their host-no matter how much animosity is shared between the two-is greater than the desire to escape the pain."

"If that was his plan, it had the opposite result," I laughed, a little humorously. "I was more determined than ever to free you. It was just...figuring out how to do it, and keep you alive."

Tom nodded. Pointed to his head. "No complaints here, Midget."

I laughed. This time, for real. "I'm glad, Tom."

We sat there for a few minutes, not talking.

Tom broke the silence. "Hey, Midget?"

I looked up from my empty plate, nodding a little.

"I've been thinking, I mean, since you told me about Temrash."

"Yeah?"

"Well," Tom began. "If you ever want help from her..." He pointed to his head. "I mean..."

A part of me was dumbstruck that Tom would make the offer.

Another part of me wanted to run.

Then, there was the part of me, the normal, rational part, that said that Tom would never infest me against my will, and that Aftran was decent. That it might not be the worst idea in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This was originally going to be the final chapter, but when I saw how long it was, I thought that here was a good stopping point. The next chapter-which will be the final one of this story-will include what the entire story has been heading towards. THAT deserves its own chapter, even if it means waiting a few more days. ;)


	5. Chapter 5

"I, um," I began, then stopped. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I stared down at my plate.

Tom reached out, holding my hand. I managed a smile as I took it.

"It's okay if you don't want to, Jake," Tom assured me.

I knew this. Neither Tom nor Aftran would ever force me to become a Controller again, no matter how briefly. I could say no, and I was sure that they'd change the subject. Maybe, we'd never talk about it again.

A voice in my head, sounding very much like Temrash, spoke up.

You are a coward, Jake. You trust Aftran with your brother's life, his freedom, and his happiness, but you can't stomach the idea of letting her into your head for even an hour? Who ever made you the leader of the Animorphs? You're pathetic.

I shut my eyes in an attempt to drown out the voice, but the thing was, it wasn't exactly a lie.

When we'd deliberated on how to save Aftran, the conversation had evolved into saving Tom. But, really, we could best keep Tom safe if he remained a Controller. As a host to Aftran. Two birds, one stone, and all of that. No one wanted it to work out better for Tom than I did, but it had been an almost mercenary decision. We would keep both of them under our eyes, and gain access to information that a Yeerk as high as Tom's would be able to provide.

Cassie and Aftran had claimed that Aftran would be kind to him. If I didn't entirely believe Aftran, I believed Cassie. I knew, personally, that he'd suffered worse from Temrash. Aftran would have to be an improvement over him, right?

Still. He'd still have to go back to the Yeerk Pool every three days. Still have to be in The Sharing. Facing Visser Three on a regular basis. Visser One, too.

I reminded myself that Tom had been free to stay with the Hork-Bajir. He could hide until the war was over. He'd made the choice to give Aftran a chance. It had worked out. They were friends, now. They were symbionts, or as parts of a Yeerk partnership, or whatever term you wanted to use when a Yeerk respected their host and the host actually wanted the Yeerk in their head.

Besides, it had been Tom's choice. No one had forced him to hold still while Aftran climbed into his head.

Aftran, of all people, would never have allowed it.

I could see how much better my brother was with Aftran in his head.

Still. I was afraid to let her in mine. No matter how briefly.

I realized that I was staring at Tom, who was still holding my hand. I wondered how long I'd gone without speaking.

"Could we talk in the living room?" I finally answered.

Tom smiled at me. I recognized it as one of his gentle ones. Comforting. "Sure, Midget."

"We should probably-you know. Put the dishes in the sink," I added.

Partly to stall, sort of. But, also because I knew Mom would be kind of annoyed if we left things the way they were.

"Okay," Tom agreed, breaking contact with my hand.

We rose from our chairs and placed the dishes and stuff we'd used in the sink. Then, we walked into the living room, sat down on the couch. A part of me recalled that this was where we'd had the other conversation, just a few days ago, about me having been infested by Temrash.

Now, it seemed, we were going to have one about me being infested by Aftran.

Tom faced me, holding my hand once more.

"You all right, Midget?" Tom asked me.

I nodded.

Maybe it was the location, or sitting on a couch, or both. It felt a little easier to speak. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"You know it's just a suggestion, right? We're not gonna just put Aftran in your head unless you're totally okay with it?" Tom asked.

I could feel a sense of-well, not panic or urgency, but something all the same-to his tone.

"Yeah," I repeated. "I've kind of thought about it. Sort of. I mean," I paused, trying to find the right words. "After we got back and I told you about what happened with Temrash?" At Tom's nod, I continued, "I guess I sort of got to thinking that, maybe, if I spent some time with Aftran, just Aftran, to see what it could be like..."

It felt wrong to admit this. I mean, we were fighting the Yeerks. Sure, Cassie and Aftran had an arrangement, and Tom and Aftran were friends, but I was the leader. I wasn't supposed to...

To what, exactly? Wonder what it would be like to have a decent Yeerk in my head for a short period of time? One who I knew pretty well, who I trusted not to betray us or hurt Tom? Who, probably, wouldn't even take control or search my memories without getting my consent?

When you put it like that, it didn't seem so strange.

Except for the fact that we were fighting the Yeerks.

Well, the empire. Aftran wasn't part of the Yeerk Empire anymore. Could I really blame her, and others like her, just because she happened to be born as an intelligent slug? It wasn't like Yeerks were evil from birth.

Probably not, anyway.

"She could help you?" Tom finished for me. Giving me a playful nudge, he added, "She hasn't exactly hurt me, you know."

I grinned. "I've noticed."

Tom gave my hand a squeeze, but didn't say anything else.

After a minute, I spoke again.

"It's why I asked, earlier this week, about what it was like when she infested you. Kind of," I explained.

Tom looked a little confused. His brow furrowed. "Wait. With Temrash...?"

I sighed, not wanting to relive what had happened. "I sort of fell in the pool during the battle, and I was nearly unconscious," I explained. "I had felt this enormous pain in my ear, but I didn't make the connection until he flat out explained that he was a Yeerk. That, and I couldn't move my body," I finished, not able to hide my anger.

Tom wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and I leaned against him. "Jake. You were practically unconscious."

I still thought that I should have known better. I'd fallen into the pool, and then there had been a huge pain in my ear. I should have made the connection. Should have managed to shout out a warning before the Yeerk seized control.

I forced my thoughts in a more productive direction. "I didn't want to ask Cassie about it, since for her, Aftran's her Yeerk bestie and I figured if there was anything unpleasant about being infested, she'd try to shield me from it. Especially since it would be with Aftran," I explained.

Tom rolled his eyes at me, wrapping his other arm around me in a sort of reverse hug. "Yeerk bestie is going to be something we use a lot, now, isn't it?"

I managed a laugh. "Well, it kind of fits. Cassie the tree hugger, the Yeerk hugger..."

"Tree hugger, sure. But, Jake, has she ever actually hugged Aftran outside of her head?" Tom teased.

I had to make a face at the mental image.

After a brief pause, Tom spoke up again, and I could hear the grin in his voice. "Aftran said that Cassie's never hugged Aftran outside her head. So, maybe, we can omit the 'Yeerk hugger' part from her name?"

I nodded, accepting defeat on this point. "Okay. Fair enough."

Another silence, broken by my brother's Yeerk.

"Jake?" she asked, voice soft. Yeah, it definitely sounded different when she spoke. "It's Aftran."

Instinctively, I broke apart from the hug. If Tom-Aftran-was hurt, it didn't show on his face.

"I'm using gentle control, with your brother's permission," Aftran added, softly. When I nodded, she continued. "I wanted to speak to you, directly, so that you know what will happen if you let me in your head." She paused. "Some of it is unpredictable, since it would be my first time infesting you, but I can provide you with enough information to prepare for you a-a more traditional infestation experience."

I nodded for what felt like the millionth time today. "Should I ask you questions, or do you want to walk me through it?"

I wasn't agreeing, at least, not right away. But, still. I could find out from her what it could entail.

"Which would you prefer?" she asked me, gently.

I didn't hesitate. "Tell me what will happen."

Aftran nodded. "I'll approach your ear, and immediately secrete a painkilling agent that will numb your entire ear. It takes a few seconds to begin working, and a Yeerk's body begins to dry out as soon as it's not in a host body or liquid, so the instinct to climb inside is extremely strong. You might experience mild pain during this time period, before the painkiller begins to work. Tom always does, and so do Cassie. It disappears completely within seconds, often before they can fully react to the discomfort," Aftran began. At my nod, she pressed on. "After this, you will feel pressure as I climb inside, but no immediate loss of control." She paused for a minute, probably going through the entire process in her mind. "When a Yeerk infests a host body for the first time, they always take control, because they don't know the pathway to the control center. The loss of control is gradual and completely random. Once I connect completely with your brain, I will release control entirely to you."

I felt myself nodding my head. At this point, nothing Aftran told me was too surprising. Maybe, it was because Tom had told me a lot of this before. Also, I remembered, when Aftran needed to take full control when she infested him, he didn't know what body parts would go first.

"Once I connect completely with your brain," Aftran assured me, "I will release control entirely to you."

"You don't think you can keep from taking control at all?" I asked, shakily, but I figured I already knew the answer.

Aftran sighed, a little. "It's unlikely." She paused. "Then again, you and Tom are brothers, so there are more genetic similarities than with any other hosts I have infested. It might be possible, in your case, but I don't want to make any promises that I cannot keep."

"Maybe if we'd been identical twins?" I joked.

Aftran laughed. "Well, perhaps."

"Okay." I paused, taking a moment to think about what I wanted to ask next. "How long will I be-you know?"

Helpless. Unable to move, unable even to blink.

I didn't want to say it out loud. Not if I didn't have to.

"It can vary. For a human, no longer than two minutes." Aftran took my hand in Tom's. "I realize that must seem like an unending amount of time when you can't move on your own, Jake," she added, sympathetically. "I will release control as soon as I can."

Two minutes. I'd gone three days before. Two minutes couldn't be that bad, right? It wasn't like going without air for that long. I thought that I could handle that.

Especially if Tom was there, too.

"Once you're in my mind, then what? Will you-" I swallowed. "You know? See all of my memories?"

Aftran shook Tom's head. "I will see whatever you're thinking at the moment, but I will not open any of your memories," Aftran promised. "I will be able to communicate with you, much like thought speech. I imagine that Temrash did this with you, before, so you know what it's like?"

"Yeah," I answered, trying not to flinch at the memory.

Aftran must have realized that this hadn't exactly been fun for me, because Tom's face darkened. Just for a second.

She spoke up again, even more gentle than before. "After I'm connected, and you have full control back, what happens next is up to you."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "We'll talk, right?"

Aftran nodded. "We can just talk, if you like. I can give you a mental hug, if you are comfortable allowing me to do so." She smiled, and I admitted, I was a little curious about this. "Cassie and Tom enjoy them. But, really, I'll let you take over, in all senses. The worst part will be in the beginning, but the rest will be up to you. Including when I leave your head."

"When you leave my head...will that hurt?" I wondered.

She shook Tom's head, again. "I'll secrete the same painkiller as I did before, and I will be able to wait longer without my instincts taking over. It won't hurt at all."

I paused before answering, really thinking this over. "And you promise that you won't take control or go through any of my memories unless I give you the okay?"

"Yes, Jake. I promise," she answered, simply.

Tom spoke up. I knew it was him, based on the sudden relaxing of his body, the subtle change in his tone. "Aftran's telling the truth, Jake. She means it. Everything. You can trust her."

I just watched them. It occurred to me that, if nothing else, this could be good practice when we needed to return to the Yeerk Pool. The Gleet Biofilters were set to destroy anything without a Yeerk. Maybe, I could go with Aftran, and...well, we'd figure out the other details later.

Anyway, I knew that Aftran being inside my mind for a little could help me. Like I said earlier. Tom had been way more damaged than I was, and he was doing a lot better with her, but I still had the occasional nightmare featuring Temrash. If nothing else, I could have an experience with a Yeerk that would be way better than Temrash. Something to even things out. Maybe, help me to get to know Aftran without Tom or Cassie there.

It might be awkward, sure, and she might see stuff that I would have rather she didn't. Still. Yeah. Okay. I was going to do this.

"Okay." I nodded, swallowed hard. "But, let's do it now, before I'll just freak out and lose my nerve."

Tom pulled me into a bear hug. "You're the bravest kid I know, Midget."

I had to smile at the praise. We hugged for at least a few minutes, but I finally let go. Tom stayed close to me, though.

"Stay with me?" I asked, suddenly, my voice cracking.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Absolutely, Jake. I'll be here the whole time."

Aftran spoke up, then, leaving Tom's arm around my shoulders. "I'll leave your brother's head, and he can either place me in your ear, or you can do it on your own. I won't dry up immediately, but it will feel unpleasant as soon as I am outside of a host body," she cautioned.

"I understand. I'll be quick," I promised.

Tom gave my shoulders a quick squeeze, then let go. His face didn't exactly go tense, but it sort of went calm. A moment later, I saw Aftran's body emerge. It was nothing I hadn't seen before. Back at the beginning of the war, when we first fought against Visser Three and his guards at the Yeerk Pool, I'd seen the Yeerks emerge from their hosts. Some barely reacted. Others screamed or cried or swore the moment the Yeerk was out. Back then, I thought it was unnatural, evil. The Yeerks might look like a harmless slug, but they were all evil parasites, worming their way into host bodies, making them slaves. If there were voluntary Controllers...well, that just meant that some humans would sell out their bodies and their freedom if the price was high enough.

It wasn't as simple, now. If the Yeerks weren't an empire, if they had come to us without demanding our bodies, our freedom, maybe they wouldn't be such a threat. Not that saying "what if?" ever did anything. Still. I knew that they weren't all evil, that the one living inside Tom's head would risk her life to save us.

Right now, Tom was holding her gently, in one hand, her body still flattened like a giant piece of chewing gum or silly putty. I watched as he ran his fingers along her her flattened body, the way you might pet a cat or dog, as Aftran resumed her natural shape.

Infestation might be weird, but it wasn't evil. Not by itself, anyway.

"Okay, Midget?" Tom asked me, gently. "You sure?"

I swallowed, but I nodded, determined. "Yeah."

"How do you want to handle this?"

Tom held, almost cradled, Aftran in his hands.

"I-I think I need to do it." I swallowed hard, then took a deep breath. I could always back out, I knew. But... "I think we've both had too many nightmares of the other way."

Tom nodded, releasing one hand from Aftran's body, and wrapping it around my shoulder. "I can imagine."

I smiled, gratefully. "Thanks. Okay. Let's do this."

"Let's do it" was Rachel's phrase, after all. While she wasn't here right now, I couldn't help but think that she'd never forgive me if I used it before letting a Yeerk inside my head.

Tom handed me Aftran. I knew my hands were shaking, but I managed to get her to my ear without dropping her. I felt her touch my ear, then, a sudden sting. Before I could react, though, I felt my ear numb.

Must be the painkiller.

His hands now free, Tom pulled me close to him, holding me in a sort of backwards hug. It helped.

I really hoped that Aftran would be able to make it to my brain without me losing control, but when I did begin to lose control, I was disappointed, but prepared.

Sort of.

It would have been worse if Tom hadn't been there.

The loss of control began immediately. It was, like Tom and Cassie had told me, completely random. A hand here, a foot there. More than that, though, was the transfer of my body parts over to Aftran. As I lost the ability to use each body part, the sensation in it diminished. Not completely, but it was like I felt only 10% of what I had before she took control.

That was almost worse than the loss of control.

I tried not to panic, but it was hard not to scream. So, while I still could, I nestled into Tom's hug. In response, he held me tighter.

"It's gonna be over in a minute, Jake," he soothed, like I was five and being given a shot. "You're doing great."

I still had control of my neck and my face. Still, I was glad Tom couldn't see me. I probably looked like I was in agony.

"Yeah," I whispered. "Thanks."

I suddenly remembered that my body hadn't felt like it was mine when Temrash had been there. He'd ended up with a lot of injuries, which he'd morphed away, in his attempts to escape. Probably, the worst of them had been when he'd morphed ant, and an opposing colony tore his body to pieces. He'd morphed out, just in time.

I'd hardly felt any of the pain he'd inflicted on my body when he'd controlled it. Being in charge of my body like that also meant he had to deal with feeling all of the pain it could cause him. I imagined that there was a more even way to split things up, even if your Yeerk was still in control. Hadn't Tom claimed something like that, when Aftran had to take full control at Sharing events and at the Yeerk Pool?

Keeping my mind on these questions helped me not to panic during the seemingly endless moments when Aftran was making her way into my mind, slowly taking control of my entire body.

As the loss of control continued-my arms and legs suddenly added to the parts Aftran controlled-I had to remind myself that this was all temporary. Once she connected to my brain, she'd release control. Also, if we ever had to do this again, her taking control upon arrival wouldn't happen. She just had to map out the pathway to my mind, or however it worked. It was uncomfortable, to put it mildly, but it wasn't like Tom didn't experience this on a regular basis.

I couldn't complain.

Literally. When I tried to open my mouth again, it wouldn't work.

Suddenly, my head was turned away towards Tom, and I really wanted to look at him, but my neck belonged to Aftran. I was still aware of him holding me, but way less acutely than a minute or so earlier.

Because of Aftran.

I reminded myself, again, as I could no longer even blink on my own, that it would be over soon.

As soon as I had thought this, I felt another presence in my mind.

Aftran.

It felt...gentle. Weird, I know, but that's the best way to describe it. A gentle mind beside mine.

(Hello, Jake. Can you hear me?) Aftran asked.

Her voice was soft. Gentle. Almost tentative. There was no arrogance, no malice.

I would have nodded if I could. I tried to remember how this worked, communicating with your Yeerk.

Not that Aftran was my Yeerk, exactly. I was just-borrowing her?

(Think your thoughts at me, Jake,) Aftran coached, softly.

(Like this? Can you hear me?) I managed.

(Yes,) Aftran responded immediately, and I could feel a smile in her voice. Her relief. (Very good. Now, Jake, I'm fully connected, so I'm going to let go of control, now. Are you ready?)

"Ready" was an understatement.

(Yes!)

Immediately, I could move again. I let out a breath of air. Moved my hands, just a little. Everything worked. It was okay. Just like Aftran wasn't there. A part of me wanting to start crying, but I managed to hold it together.

Tom would understand, but he'd be scared. He might demand that Aftran leave my head, and then, it would all be for nothing.

"Tom? It's me, Jake. Aftran's connected," I told him.

Tom sort of turned me toward him, but keeping both hands on my shoulders.

"Are you okay, Midget?" He studied me.

I managed to smile. "Now, yeah," I answered, truthfully. "It was...pretty scary, but yeah. I'm okay, now."

He nodded, his face somewhere between a smile and a grimace. "I bet. Well, I'm right here, okay? If you need anything, let me know."

I wanted to ask for Tom to stay close to me, but it felt babyish.

(It's not,) Aftran soothed, hearing my thoughts. (Go ahead. He'll understand, and besides, he wants to.)

A very small part of me felt annoyed that Aftran could read my thoughts. Another, larger, part reminded me that I had signed up for this by letting her in my head.

"Stay here?" I asked.

"You bet." Tom dropped his hands from my shoulders, but wrapped an arm around my back. "How's this?"

I smiled. "Great."

I turned my attention to Aftran. It was kind of hard to do, because she was in my mind, instead of sitting next to me, or something like that.

(Jake, I'm sorry that you had to go through that loss of control,) she soothed. (I thought, maybe, since you and Tom were brothers, I'd be able to connect to your brain without taking control. Because of the similarities.) She laughed, a little self deprecating. (Clearly, that wasn't the case.)

(It's okay,) I told her, meaning it. (I mean, at least, the worst is over.)

(It is,) she reassured me.

We sat-literally-in silence for a little while. Seconds, maybe? Minutes? However long it was, it felt like a long time.

I guess I was waiting for Aftran to speak, to take control. Of the situation, anyway.

Really, I wasn't sure what I had expected from this. It wasn't like I wanted her to go around my head, opening up my memories, or anything like that. I remembered how violating that had felt. But this? Just sitting there?

It felt strange, too.

I just...wanted Aftran to walk me through what she was going to do to me.

(I'm not going to do anything to you, Jake,) Aftran promised, responding to my thoughts.

I flinched, a little. As gentle as her voice sounded, it still felt like a rebuke.

Aftran's tone softened even more. (Jake, anything we do will be something we both agree to. We can stay like this, talking the whole time, that's up to you. If you want to do anything else, that's your choice, as well.)

I stared at my feet for a minute, not speaking, just feeling a little embarrassed. And, of course, fully aware that my thoughts and emotions were on display for my Yeerk.

My memories, too.

(Okay,) I finally answered. (I guess...let's start with talking.)

(All right,) Aftran replied, sort of smiling at me without sending any mental images. It just kind of felt like a smile. (Do you want to begin, or should I?)

(I can.) I paused, then, not sure where to begin. (Tom's okay, right? He's getting better?)

In a strange way, I could feel Aftran smile at me. (Yes, Jake. Every day, he's getting better.)

(You're proud of him?) I guessed.

It seemed so strange. A Yeerk taking pride in their host's ability to recover? Then again, Aftran was no regular Yeerk.

(I am very proud of your brother,) Aftran affirmed. Then, she chuckled. (I know, it must seem strange, but I am very proud of Tom. I care about him, of course, but it goes further than that. Your brother has been through so much, more than most hosts. Humans or otherwise. I've heard stories from the Yeerk Pool...) Aftran trailed off, her emotions darkening, a little. Then, she seemed to pull herself together. (I'm proud and amazed at his ability to heal from it all. Humans are more resilient than any other species I've encountered, but Tom's one of a kind.) Aftran laughed, a little. (Oh, not that there are official case studies, or ways to compare cruel Yeerks. But, from speaking with my friends in the Peace Movement, he's doing much better than we could have expected,) she explained.

I felt so proud of Tom, then. The image of him broken in the memory that Temrash had shown me seemed like someone else, completely.

Another thought came to me, accompanied by some fear.

(Do they know about him?) I worried.

(No, Jake,) Aftran reassured me. (Illim and his host, your teacher, know everything that I do as far as who you are. He's the only one. I needed to provide him with that information, in order to contact Cassie. If Cassie couldn't be reached within the time frame, he needed to have others. The rest of the Peace Movement only knows that Cassie is a human who can morph. It's...not safe for everyone to know everything.)

(Yeah. Especially if that information gets into the wrong hands, again,) I pointed out.

At this, Aftran started. Mentally, anyway. I was still in full control.

(Again?) she echoed, then, reading my thoughts, gave me a mental nod. (Oh! Well, it might have been a betrayal, but, you see, I did become a wanted criminal as soon as I freed Karen and told her family how to escape. I managed to remain hidden in the Yeerk Pool for the better part of a year, which is certainly a feat. Eventually, though, I supposed I would end up being caught and interrogated.)

That was as much of a relief as it was a surprise.

(Then, there aren't spies in the Peace Movement?) I guessed.

She gave me another mental shrug. (It's not impossible. So, we're very careful with revealing information to other members. Only Illim and I even know who everyone is, and how many Yeerks have joined. A small number of the Yeerks who I trust know that I am back in the Pool, and have a voluntary host. That's all. It's as much for their safety as it is for mine.)

(Yeah. The less they can tell Visser Three, the safer anyone is,) I noted.

(Exactly,) Aftran agreed.

Another silence, although, this time, it didn't feel as awkward. Aftran was the one to break it, this time.

(Has Tom told you about mental hugs?)

I tried to recall. (It sounds sort of familiar.)

Aftran smiled at me. (Don't worry, Jake. I won't search your memory for the information. Well, it's much like a hug between two humans, except it takes place within the minds of a Yeerk and their host.)

(Oh, okay,) I answered, giving her a mental nod. (You and Tom do those?)

(Yes.) She nodded, mentally.

I had a pretty good idea where Aftran was headed with this.

(You...want to give me one?) I confirmed, leaning back on the sofa, aware of Tom's arm around my shoulder.

(I would, but only if you're willing, Jake,) she answered, gently. (If it's any endorsement, your brother, would probably kill me if I didn't even offer.)

I managed a snort at that. Except, I wasn't smiling at Aftran, but I knew that I wasn't exactly glaring at her, either. Just thinking about hugging a Yeerk, mentally or not, was so out of the realm of what I'd thought I would ever experience, it was almost like entering another universe. Even if Aftran wasn't the enemy, even if she was an ally to us and a friend to Tom and Cassie, I didn't think I would ever want her to hug me.

Well, I'd already let her into my head, and I hadn't thought I'd ever do that.

Tom liked them, it seemed. We weren't the same person, obviously, but I trusted him. If he thought they were okay...

I'd gone this far. What harm could a Yeerk hug do? If I hated it, I could ask Aftran to stop...

(I will,) she spoke up, reading my thoughts. (If-when-you want me to let go, I will.)

I nodded my head, then stopped, wondering if Tom noticed anything.

(Okay,) I whispered. (Go ahead.)

Mentally, I braced myself for-what, I wasn't exactly sure. Not pain, not a sudden onslaught of memories. But something that could be unpleasant, maybe claustrophobic? Whatever it was, I wanted to prepare myself as best as I could.

What actually followed was nothing like that.

You can't explain colors to someone who was born without being able to see, or sound to someone born without being able to hear. Maybe, it's because they're so abstract, even though we experience both every day. Without even thinking about it.

In the same way, to someone who'd never had a decent Yeerk, which included myself, up to today, you couldn't explain a mental hug and not come across as totally insane.

It started like a regular hug, except it took place in my head. But it didn't stay that way. Slowly, I felt immersed by warmth and safety.

I was entering a steaming shower after being freezing. Then, I felt the memory of being wrapped up in warm blankets by Tom after he'd rubbed my back and shoulders for at least an hour. I was drinking hot chocolate, feeling the taste of the hot and delicious liquid in my mouth, as well as the warmth of the mug around my hands. Then, the memory-too far back to remember-of hugged tightly, completely, either by my parents or maybe one of my grandparents, or Tom. I was being five or six, and sitting on your mom or dad's lap, back when they were big enough to contain me completely.

It went beyond memories, though. Beyond any experience I'd ever had.

More than that, when I thought about it afterwards, was this physical and emotional warmth, but also this sudden feeling, this sense, of being held securely by Aftran. Then, there was this sense that I was completely safe. That the force-Aftran-behind this onslaught of emotions and good feelings and comfort and memories...would never hurt me.

Or Tom.

Not that I felt all of this at once. It started off slowly, gradually. Probably, because Aftran knew I might freak out if it was too sudden, even though it was supposed to be a good experience.

At first, as the hug progressed, there was just this continued, enormous, sense of warmth and safety.

Beyond that, it really felt like a hug. Well, in my mind, anyway.

The realization that Aftran, a Yeerk, was the cause behind this didn't exactly break me from the hug's power, but it reminded me that I was still Jake. The trance, I guessed, dropped as the time passed, but I remained all too aware of the good parts coming from the hug. Aftran must have loosened her hug grip around my mind, or whatever you'd call it, because I still felt safe and protected, but it wasn't as overpowering.

To be honest, I was sort of relieved. Made it easier to think, this way.

(Wow,) I laughed, aware that I still had full control over my body, and, in spite of everything, felt relieved. (Okay. That wasn't too terrible.)

Aftran laughed, gently. (Yes.) After a moment, she added, just as kindly, (You and your brother have a similar sense of humor.)

I laughed. (Yeah.) Then, (So, it's always like that?) I wondered.

(It depends. I vary the strength of the hug depending on what Tom needs, at the time,) she explained, simply. (At the beginning of his infestation, I started off very slowly. Perhaps a 1 or 2 on the scale of 1 to 10. Now, he's closer to a 3 or a 4. A 4.5 if he's had a particularly horrible nightmare. What Temrash and Gariss did to his mind...well, I focus on helping him feel safe, and allowing his emotions to settle. Stronger hugs do worked more effectively, more quickly, but it also can cause him greater anxiety. Fear.)

(Because of the power he knew you had over him?) I guessed.

Not that he hadn't already known.

(Yes, to an extent. I wanted to be as gentle with his mind as I could be, while still helping him. Your brother had a long way to go before he could trust me. Not that I could fault him for this. But, the human mind has to adapt. What could be sufficient for one host-one person-at level 2 or 3 might be overwhelming for someone who only prefers level 1, or level 1.5,) Aftran explained. (But, Tom and I...we've reached a good balance, over the last few months. I can give him the support he needs without overdoing it, or withholding what he needs.)

I nodded, a little. It had been almost three months, by now.

(What was that? The one you gave me?) I asked her. Still feeling the effects of it. Had to be at least an 8.

(That was just under a 4,) Aftran replied, smiling at me. (I wanted it to be strong enough for you to be immersed in it, but not so strong that it felt overpowering. Besides, your mind is far less damaged than Tom's was, so I knew I could start higher.)

That had been a 4?

(Wow. What's a ten like?)

Not that I wanted a ten. A four had been pretty amazing, and even now, Aftran was still holding me in her mind.

Aftran paused, just for a moment. (Someone whose mind was shattered.)

(Shattered?) I echoed.

She gave me a mental nod. (It's extremely rare, but it happens. Tom was broken, but broken hosts can be, if you want to borrow a human phrase, put back together. A shattered host...they will die without a Yeerk. Their only body functions are involuntary ones. There's almost no person there, in their mind.)

(How close was Tom to being shattered?) I asked, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

Aftran hesitated, again. (Temrash was awful, but he was a typical empire Yeerk. Break a resistant host, or let them become broken as they lose all hope, but after that, ignore them. Gariss was a torturer. Tom was already broken when Gariss entered his mind, and he made sure that nearly every moment that Tom's mind was awake, he was in a living hell.)

I closed my eyes. Felt a tear creep through, anyway. (I should have saved him earlier.)

(There was no way to do so, and protect him,) Aftran reminded me. (He doesn't blame you, Jake.)

(H-how long would he have had if—?) I pressed.

(A year, most likely. Maybe less. Maybe, a little longer,) she told me.

I stared down at my feet for awhile, not talking. Feeling the warmth of the hug fade from my mind, in more ways than one.

Still. Feeling a little more trusting of my mind, and my body, in Aftran's hands, I spoke up, wanting to experience more of what Tom did with her. Or, even, what she thought would be a good idea for me to experience while she was in my head.

(What else do you two do?)

(Well,) Aftran began. (Right now, you're in full control. Sometimes, we operate under loose control. That's when I am using his body, but he can intervene without any effort on his part. He told you about this, I believe?)

(Yeah.) I hesitated. I didn't want to give up control, even if it wouldn't really be giving it up. From what Aftran and Tom had told me, even if Aftran used my body-in this mode-I could still use it, without needing to fight her.

(I won't do anything you're not comfortable with, Jake,) she reassured me, again. (If you want to stay like this and talk for awhile, we can do that. Just allowing me to enter your head, and give you a mental hug, was a huge step for you. Especially considering I had to take full control in order to access your mind.)

I considered, again. (No, I think I want to,) I told her. (I mean, Tom and you do this, and I want to see what it's like.)

(All right. But if you change your mind, at any point, let me know, and I will stop,) she promised me.

I felt a shift, as my body passed from me to her. At the same time, I knew that it hadn't been taken from me. I still felt everything. When Aftran moved my hands, I tried to move them in the opposite direction, and could. Without any real effort. I changed the direction that she'd moved my head. It was all as easy as if she hadn't been there, or if she'd given me full control. I experimented with other parts of my body, all without any difficulty.

I relaxed after that, settling back in my mind, letting her take over. Not that we were doing very much. Sitting down on the couch in the living room, curled up against Tom. Even so, there was a lot of ways for either of us to move my body without really disrupting this seating arrangement, and having "fought" with her on each of them, I was content to remain sitting next to Tom, my mind "resting" as I continued to understand what it was like for Tom to live this way.

The only thing left, I knew, would be for Aftran to take full control. I'd experienced three days of that with Temrash. Tom had endured nearly three years of it with his other Yeerks. Aftran still needed to push Tom in a corner of his mind, taking full control, for Sharing meetings and trips to the Yeerk Pool. He hated it-she hated it. But it was safer to do it than not to.

Aftran listened to these thoughts, not making any comments. I could feel her emotions, if I pressed, but I wanted to show her the same respect she was giving me. What she didn't want me to see, I wouldn't try to look for.

(You've already been through that,) she reminded me, her voice soft. Kind. Sympathetic, even.

(Yeah, but...not with a decent Yeerk,) I acknowledged.

Of course, being a slave in your own head was still being a slave. Not being able to do anything on your own, without your Yeerk choosing to do it, couldn't be anything except horrible, right? No matter who the Yeerk was.

Being tied up in your head is still being tied up.

Helpless.

A slave.

(Jake,) Aftran reminded me. (I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to. I'm certainly not going to ask you to give me full control over your body.)

I was about to let the subject drop, when I remembered earlier. Aftran had taken full control when she'd entered my head. She'd needed to. What if I said no, and that was how I remembered it? If she took full control now, just for a minute or less, I could experience it without the horrible sudden random paralysis.

I could see what Tom went through during those trips to the Yeerk Pool and the Sharing meetings.

Wasn't that part of the reason I'd let Aftran in my head? To go through what my brother did? The good, and the bad?

(No. Do it,) I told her.

(Are you sure, Jake?) Aftran pressed.

(Yes.) I clenched my teeth.

(Okay.) Aftran gave me a mental nod. (Do you...want me to count to three?)

(Yes.)

The anticipation would be worse, but at least, it wouldn't feel so sudden.

(One. Two. Three,) Aftran recited, gently.

On three, I became a prisoner in my mind.

If I wanted to scream, I couldn't. And boy, at that moment, did I ever. I couldn't do anything, not even blink. I remembered this from before, with sudden horror. Three days of being the prisoner of Temrash. It didn't matter, then, that my mind was telling me it was Aftran, not Temrash, who was controlling my body completely.

I still wanted to scream.

I forced myself to relax, mentally, not to beg Aftran to release me from this prison. Or, almost worse, not to give me another mental hug, because then, I'd associate it with this.

(It's okay, Jake. It's okay,) she murmured. (Are you sure you don't want me to let go?)

I did...but I didn't.

(Not yet.)

After a few seconds of sitting there, imprisoned, I noticed, with relief, to see that I could still feel everything. Not like when Aftran had first entered my ear and needed to take full control. Okay, so I couldn't do anything, but I could feel everything as acutely as I did before.

At my confusion, Aftran spoke up.

(Yes, I don't "mute" the senses that Tom experiences,) she explained. (It's a little more difficult, that way, but it's much easier for him, so, of course, I always control him in that manner.)

I nodded, mentally. Still, as the seconds ticked by, I was all too aware of being a mental prisoner in my head. At the same time, having full access to my senses made it feel more as though there was an invisible wall I was standing behind than being tied to a chair. It was like there was a physical barrier preventing me from doing anything, but the presence of my senses wasn't muted, as a result.

It was still so claustrophobic. I wanted, desperately, to move, to do anything. How had I managed three days with Temrash? Had I blocked that part out? I'd remembered reading about people who blocked out traumatic events. They had no memory of what had happened, afterwards. I was sure I remembered everything with Temrash, but now, going through it again.

It was like holding your breath under water. As soon as your head went down, your lungs seemed to burn for air. It was like my mind was burning. I kept trying not to think that there wasn't a single part of my body that wasn't under Aftran's control. I could do nothing.

It seemed to get worse by the second.

(Okay, Jake,) Aftran told me, her voice kind, but firm. (I'm going to let go, now.)

(Aftran, it's been less than a minute,) I protested.

As suffocating as this felt, I felt that I should experience it for longer.

For Tom's sake.

(Jake, no!) Aftran answered, sternly. (Tom would not want this for you. He would not want you to suffer simply to be in solidarity with him.)

With that, she dropped control.

I couldn't say I was disappointed. Air seemed to rush back into my lungs. My eyes moved when I told them to.

I also felt stupid. Like a dumb kid.

(Jake.) I felt Aftran reach out to me, hug me again, just as strong as before. (You are anything but a "dumb kid". You, your brother, and Cassie are among the bravest people I know.)

I felt myself relax into the hug. (Thanks,) I mumbled.

We passed a couple more minutes like that. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I was hugging Aftran back. If I knew how to. Probably not. I figured I was just experiencing the hug that she was giving me, and wanting it to go on.

How long did they usually last? Was it something that a Yeerk could do for their host for hours, even days, on end?

We remained like that for awhile. Like the previous night, when Tom had rubbed my back and then tucked me in, I felt safe. Was this how Tom felt, under Aftran? Even when she had to imprison him in his own mind? Because, having suffered through two horrible Yeerks, he knew that she-at least-wouldn't hurt him? Wouldn't use his body to try to imprison his parents and his younger brother?

(Yes,) Aftran answered. (He doesn't enjoy it, but he knows that I don't take full control unless I absolutely have to. And, yes, Jake, he trusts me.)

I nodded. (I guess, also, it gets easier with time.)

Aftran paused before responding. (It does. Maybe, it shouldn't need to. But humans are very adaptable creatures, and what may have felt unimaginable a few months ago can now feel like the norm.)

(Like torture under his other Yeerks?) I guessed.

(I don't think he ever got used to that,) Aftran corrected me, gently. (But infestation as a whole, yes.)

I nodded, again. (I know Tom trusts you. Cassie does, too. With their minds. I-no offense, Aftran, I'm glad we did this, but I kind of prefer you outside of my head. And definitely not taking control.) I paused. (The mental hugs aren't too bad.)

She laughed. (Yes, Tom enjoys them, too. They make my needing to take full control a lot more bearable.)

(Are there other things you can do? That you do for Tom?) I asked, a little awkwardly.

(Music,) she answered. (But, that would put you to sleep. Pleasant memories-but that would require my searching yours, and I know how you feel about that.)

(Yeah,) I agreed. (Having experienced that with Temrash-no thanks.)

Aftran was quiet, for a few seconds. (You remember how vivid they were, though? When he played them?)

She wasn't probing into my thoughts or memories, I knew. She could simply tell what I was thinking, because I was recalling those events.

(Yeah?)

(The good ones...they are amplified, too,) she explained. (It's not something I attempted with Tom right away, because of his state of mind. I needed to use what I knew would work for him. What was safe. Over time, though, I could try it. Carefully, because good memories can trigger awful ones in hosts-in human minds-like his. I want you to know, Jake, that it's working.)

(I'm glad,) I whispered. (I want him to get better. Do you think-?)

Aftran gave a mental nod, to herself, knowing what I was asking.

(I know that he will only continue to improve,) Aftran promised me. (He loves you very, very much, Jake. You are the most important person to him in the world.)

I smiled at her. (I love him, too.)

(Should I leave your head, now?) she asked, gently.

(Yeah, I think so. Thank you, Aftran,) I added. (I never thought I'd be doing this, you know?)

(I know. You've been courageous, Jake. Just like your brother. I'm-I'm proud of you. Both of you. And, Jake? He's so proud of you, too.)

With that, she began to disconnect from my head. Once she was out, I held her in my hand, for a few seconds, before giving her back to Tom. I felt him wrap an arm around my shoulder, again.

"You okay?" he asked me.

I nodded, smiling at Tom. "I can see why you and Cassie like her," I told him. "But, don't worry. I'm not going to ask to share in your custody arrangement."

He snickered, then placed Aftran to his ear. "I totally get it if you want to keep whatever you talked about between you, but I'm here if you want to tell me about it."

"Thanks." Feeling drained, suddenly, I leaned against Tom. "Maybe later? I'm...kind of tired."

"Sure, Midget." Tom wrapped both arms around me. "It can be pretty draining, even with the good ones," he recalled. He lifted one arm, just long enough to pull a blanket around me. Well, around us. I smiled to myself. I needed to start accepting this, more. From Tom, anyway. "Mind if I watch some TV while you take a nap?"

I shook my head, then stretched my legs out under the blanket, resting my head on his shoulders. "Thanks, Tom. You know..."

Tom lifted an arm again, and I felt him tuck a piece of loose hair over my ear. Either I really needed a haircut, or this was another way Tom was letting me know he cared.

"No problem, Midget," he murmured, wrapping his arms around me, gently.

I let out a little sigh as I curled up against my brother. "Thanks," I repeated.

I heard him chuckle, felt him tighten his arms into a hug. Not a Yeerk hug, but pretty close. "No problem, Midget. Sleep well."

End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I sort of expected this chapter to be longer than the accompanying Tom one, I didn't expect it to be nearly four times as long. Then again, a lot more happens in this version, even if it's only in Jake's head.
> 
> The next story in this series will probably be one chapter for each character. The first character is Tom, of course, but the second character won't be Jake, and it won't be Cassie. Hint: Her name begins with A.
> 
> If you've enjoyed this story, please take a few minutes to leave kudos or, even better, feedback.

**Author's Note:**

> In a slight departure in my Alliance series pattern, I'm changing two things in this story.
> 
> 1\. Instead of Tom and Cassie telling their stories, it's Tom and Jake. In this work, Cassie doesn't have much of a story to tell.
> 
> 2\. The stories will be posted separately, but each chapter consists of MOSTLY the same events, just from each character's perspective.
> 
> I would suggest that you read the Tom chapter first, and then the Jake chapter.
> 
> A thank you to YPM for reading other the first draft, and a huge thanks to Pupuni for reading over both versions, side by side, and commenting not only on the story, but where individual lines vary. Turns out, even when I'm trying very hard to write the same line from both character's perspectives, I still end up making mistakes. This is why we need beta readers!


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